Six Books That I WILL Conquer In 2017: The Classics (and Eragon)

Good afternoon, Cyberspace!

Now, there’s something about me that most of you probably don’t know, and that is that I have a very rare mental disease in which I cannot seem to finish anything I start.

I’m like Professor Calamitous from Jimmy Neutron. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who remembers Professor Calamitous)

Seriously, though.  It’s a problem.

And though this deadly disease is probably just laziness on my part rather than an actual mental problem, it still affects a very large part of my life: writing; any creative project ever; resolutions I make; plans; and yes, most devastatingly, my reading life.

Terrible. I know.

There used to be a time when I read nothing but books I’d already read. It was strange, sure, but I felt secure in knowing that I liked that particular book. There wasn’t anything in it that I would be uncomfortable reading. It was safe.

And then I decided I wanted to be a reckless daredevil and read books that I’d never read before, and suddenly my entire room is overflowing with books that I’ve either read, haven’t read, or started to read and then quit. And now, for the life of me, I cannot seem to finish any of the books I pick up.

And this is a problem.

Because I want to read. Not just read, but read a lot. I want to understand inside jokes with the paper pages and laugh my head off when no mortal knows what I’m talking about. I want to go to a library and scroll through the shelves mumbling ‘read it, read it, read it, hated it, read it, read it…’ in that particular order. I want to read to gain information on how to write.

I want to actually finish the books that have taken over my room. Especially the ones that haunt my dreams because of their daunting thickness and, yes, semi-snoreville plotlines and prose.

I could honestly fall asleep trying to read some of the books on this list. (*cougheragoncough*)

So today I am going to make a list of all the books I have started at one point or another in my life, and then put down because I grew bored with them.

And no, this is not just another list. This is a promise. A promise to actually finish these books that I have tried and failed to read. And in some instances, tried and failed to read multiple times. (*cougheragonagaincough*)

And so, without further ado, I present to you…

Number One– The Lord of The Rings: Fellowship of The Ring

Ah. The Fellowship of The Ring. A wonderful tale about four Hobbits as they travel through forests and fog and mountain plantations for 1/3 of the book with very little dialogue and a LOT of descriptive sentences and pages upon pages of describing the murky land stretching out beyond them.

I’m getting nauseous excited just thinking about it. Aren’t you?

I ‘ve tried to read Fellowship of The Ring quite a few times now, and each time I’ve gotten to pretty much the same spot and failed.

Tom Bombadil’s cabin.

A couple times I was able to push through and reach the Barrow Downs, and maybe once I actually arrived at the Prancing Pony.

Once.

That is, until now.

That’s right, doc. I have officially started my quest to conquer this gigantic beast, and I am hoping that this time, I will finally make it to the very last page. I’ve already made it to the Prancing Pony, and I’ve gained the help of a mysterious man called Strider.

I might even be able to finish the entire series this year. Who knows.

Number Two– Eragon

Surprise of all surprises, the girl who dreams of dragons roaming the skies is physically unable to finish what has to be one of the most popular dragon books in the history of dragon books.

However, in my defence, there is something about this series that is just so…blah.

I don’t even know what it is. Perhaps my brain has been surgically altered so that I physically cannot like one of the most popular/unpopular series in the world.

But I really want to like it. I really and truly do. So I have made it one of my life’s goals to complete this series. Or, at least, the first book. Because how can I call myself the Dragon Princess when I have not even read Eragon? (Turns out I can do this rather easily, but that is beside the point.)

I will conquer Eragon this year, and you can bet your buttons that I’m going to do a post about my experience while reading it.

Number Three– Pride and Prejudice

Well, well, well, what have we here? Another classic that I have tried to read on multiple occasions and miserably failed?

It’s nice to see you again.

Yes. I, Kenzie of Smudged Thoughts, have never finished Pride and Prejudice. I have tried. Believe me I have tried.

But have I finished it?

No.

Of course not,

Do Darcy and Elizabeth get together eventually? I wouldn’t know. Darcy probably dies off in the end. Perhaps he falls ill after being bit by a rabid wildabeast on his way to propose to Elizabeth, and she never knows he even loved her because he keels over on the curbside and dies, only to be found three hours later by a nerve-wrecked Mrs. Bennet.

And by the way, which one is Pride, and which one is Prejudice? Is Darcy too prideful to even glance at Elizabeth, or is he too prejudiced against families of a lower standing? Is Elizabeth too prejudiced against men with high incomes, or is she too prideful to forgive him after he slighted her?

Ah, the perplexities of classic literature.

Number Four– The Hobbit

Okay, so this is actually a re-read, as I have technically finished this book before; however, with all this talk about The Lord of The Rings and whatnot, I’d really like to revisit The Hobbit.

Because Bilbo Baggins, am I right?

And let’s be honest for a second, shall we? If you suddenly found yourself in mortal peril, and you could only have one Hobbit come to your rescue, would you rather have A) Bilbo Baggins/burglar/dragon slayer (okay, so he didn’t technically slay the dragon himself, but still)/spider slaughterer/gollum outwitter/you get my point.

Or, would you rather have B) Frodo/”Oh no, the Ring Wraiths are near. Better put the Ring on!”/gets stabbed multiple times and acts like he’s dead only to jump up and be the hero because Oh joy! He was wearing mithril!/seriously, this dude’s a lame hero.

Anyway, I believe you understand my point here. I really want to relive the world of Bilbo Baggins, so I’m going to conquer The Hobbit again this year. Although, The Hobbit really isn’t all that huge or daunting compared to The Lord of The Rings, but still.

Number Five– Jane Eyre

Okay, so I actually haven’t tried to read this book before? But I’m going to add it in because

1. this list will look rather wimpy with only four books on it

And 2. I believe I have debated reading this book before, but didn’t just because I didn’t feel like it, so #fail.

Either way, this is another book that I am going to conquer this year, because, guess what? It’s yet another classic that I have failed to read! YAY!

But seriously, though. Are you noticing a pattern here? I am really bad at reading classics. Terrible at it actually. As the great Mark Twain once said,

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

And just so we’re all on the same page, I haven’t read any of Mark Twain’s work either. At least, not that I can recall.

But anyway, I love this quote so I’m using it to pretend like I have some intellect on the subject of classics.

Which I don’t, because, as I have already mentioned numerous times, I don’t read them.

And, last but not least,

Number Six– Alice In Wonderland/Through The Looking Glass

Yikes. I feel like a terrible, two-faced toad for admitting this one, but yes. I have never finished Alice In Wonderland.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I have read Alice In Wonderland, I believe, but I failed somewhere in the middle of Through The Looking Glass, and as my copy of Alice so kindly has them both bound in one cover, I feel as though I am a miserable failure to the whole book.

So I’m going to read and conquer the entire thing this year.

I’m actually pretty excited about this one because of the Cheshire Cat. I mean, he’s my absolute favorite character in the entire book, and there’s just something about his wittiness and slightly rude, arrogant remarks that make him a great character.

And  I am a HUGE fan of everything Alice In Wonderland, so I highly doubt reading the actual book is going to kill me, or bore me out of my mind (which is highly likely with the other books on this list [like Pride and Prejudice {or Eragon}])

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Well, that’s all for today, Cyberspace! What are some of your reading goals for this year? Are there any books that you have tried to read in the past and failed? Have you ever conquered Eragon? Which Hobbit would you rather go on a journey with? Is Elizabeth Bennet Pride or Prejudice? Tell me all the bookish things in the comments below!

My apologies once again for the late post. Life has been a strange little lemon lately.

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