A Fantastical Q&A– Part One (in which I force you to read 3392 words of complete insanity[#ihavenoshame])

Good morning, Cyberspace! This past Friday I came to you with a plea for help. I needed questions for a Q&A that I’ve been wanting to do ever since I started this blog for a small period of time now, and so I asked you–my fellow cookie crumbles–to give me the weirdest and wackiest questions you could come up with.

And I’ll be honest, guys. I thought this little project was going to be a complete and utter FLOP. I thought I was going to have to hide my head in a paper bag of shame and completely delete my last post so that no one would see the horrendous mistake I made.

But alas, I was (as usual) wrong.

You guys–in your complete shining glory of loveliness and perfection–asked me some of the best questions I could ever have wished for. And this has only served to reinforce my opinion that Cyberspace is one of the most encouraging communities of friendies to have ever existed.

And also one of the scariest and most depressing places in the galaxy, but that’s beside the point. 

So here I am, ready to answer all of these amazing questions with all the wit and sarcasm I can muster.

And then promptly disappear for an entire month because #drama.

And also #CampNaNoWriMo and #iwannafinishmybook, topped with #atonofotherthingsthatshallgetinthewayofactuallycreatingqualitycontenteachweek.

But since my answers are bound to be frighteningly long and extensive, I have decided to cut this wonderful post into two parts, both for my sanity and yours.

Because who wants to sit in front of a screen for three hours straight, listening to me rant on and on about my relatively boring life?

Not me.

So technically I shall NOT disappear immediately, but whatever. That’s a small technicality.

And so, without further ado, let us begin the Smudge…

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— A Fantastical Q&A (in which I create a soap line, disclose what I do BESIDES writing for once [THIS WILL BE A SHOCK] and rant about condiments because #imnormal…?]) —

Question One– What is your least favorite condiment? —RubySky

I first read this as ‘what is my FAVORITE condiment’, and then proceeded to have the great debate as to whether ketchup (WHY DO PEOPLE CALL IT CATSUP???? [this disgusts me greatly, by the way #petpeeve]), mustard, or mayo was better.

And then I realized that it said LEAST favorite, and ketchup drooped its sad tomato arms and waddled away without receiving his victory crown. #mostversatilecondiment

what is wrong with me

But I believe that my least favorite condiment would probably be…cheese whiz. (yes, this is a condiment, what are you talking about)

I just have never really understood the concept? It’s cheese…in a bottle.

That you literally spray onto your food.

And it’s not even real cheese? It’s like a cheese food, and I’m sorry, but when I read that something is a cheese food, it kind of makes me want to throw it in the trash, rather than whiz it into a coil onto my cracker.

And also gag.

Just like that strange-looking Honey Sauce that I found at KFC? Like, no thank you Colonel. I shall not be eating your Honey Sauce today.

Question Two– Other than writing, what do you do? — lilyorphaned

(Oh my word, they have finally discovered that I do absolutely nothing other than write all day [THE READERS ARE BECOMING SELF AWARE?????!!!!?!?])

Ahem.

I mean…uh, gee, I do LOTS of things… Loads and loads and loads. Of things.

Like…knitting! I like to knit sometimes (on the odd Tuesday afternoon [usually after performing my blood sacrifice]).

And I did like to play with polymer clay for a time…

…until I loathed it.

Oh! And I love to read. And I also like to write. play my violin, whom I have fondly named Charlie. He has two siblings, Cherry and Twill, but Charlie is my favorite. (Shh, don’t tell the others…) And I’m currently learning to play Roundtable Rival by Lindsey Stirling as my first REAL song to learn, because I like to shoot my goals so far up there that there is no hope of ever actually achieving them. #optimist

And I also love to play with my baby bird, Durachi. He’s my tiny pal and my constant companion, and I just love him so much.

So yeah. I do tons of stuff besides writing.

Question Three– What was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you in your extensive lifetime? —loverofbunnies2

In a terrible paraphrase of my intellectual sister– All of my terribly embarrassing memories that I have unwillingly retained over the years have been so deeply submerged in my sub-consciousness from shame and panic that it is nearly impossible for me to remember any at this current point in time.

However, the most embarrassing thing that I can think of right now is honestly not something I’m comfortable sharing on the Great and Terrible Cyberspace, therefore, I hope you will allow me to choose a lesser–yet still rather embarrassing–moment.

Like that time I ate a rusty science experiment.

Or that one time I said, “Aww! He’s cute!”(referring to a tea pot in an antique store, obviously), and this random dude walking past us looks back at me like I was talking about him, apparently??? #ew

Or that time (same antique store–same day) when I said, “I’m gonna be one of those weird old ladies who collects tea pots…” after we had just got done talking to an old lady who collected tea pots. #insertfootinmouth

Or that time I made a complete and utter fool of myself at the Youth Group Christmas Party.

Or, you know, there’s always that one stage I went through where I practically ripped my pants every single day…

Yeah. That was…that was odd.

Question Four– What is the first thing you can remember as a child/baby? —loverofwriting2

Okay, so technically I have the brain of a roasted marshmallow, but I do remember the morning of my fourth birthday.

(Which is actually pretty good, as I’ve heard children usually begin remembering things at age four??)

But basically, I remember lying on the couch on the morning of my fourth birthday, staring at the ceiling and thinking…

“It’s my birthday.”

I know. I know. It probably seems like a super dumb memory, but to me it is very special, because A) I actually remember something from so early in my childhood???? and B) it makes me happy for some reason.

I also remember thinking about how my sister wasn’t there because she had spent the previous night at someone’s house and we had to go pick her up, but still. This is a very happy memory for me.

Question Five– What’s the first thing you would do, should you find yourself at Hogwarts? —writingtomusicblog

Now, this question required a rather minimal amount of thought.

I know that most people would say something along the lines of– “Oh, well, I would TOTALLY feast on all of the food in the Great Hall until meat pies and treacle oozed out of my eyeballs!”

Or– “I would just love to go check out the library…” (#me) “Possibly the restricted section.” (#alsome)

Or– “Well, I’d really like to try out for Quidditch. I think I’d make a good Keeper!”

And all of these are very reasonable answers. I would love to do all of these things. (Except maybe the Quidditch because sports+exercise=ew) But that’s not the first thing I would do.

Oh no.

The first thing I would do is go stalk Harry Potter and all of his little friends.

Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna, Neville–I would spy on all of them and sneak around with a camera notebook, jotting down their every move.

I would be super friendly to the point of unnerving, and they would either A) love me, B) be so annoyed they would hex me with an unforgiveable curse, or C) think Voldemort was hiding somewhere beneath my turban.

wut

So technically I’d be like Collin Creevey.

But cooler.

Oh, and I’d also brew some Polyjuice Potion and transform myself into Luna Lovegood, but this, of course, would not be until my second year.

Question Six– What’s your favorite thing about writing? —shewillwriteandwrite

Ooh… This is a tough one…

I think my favorite thing about writing is the freedom I have to create my own world. Writing is really the only thing in my life where I don’t feel any paranoia as to whether someone’s going to like it or not.

It’s my story. It’s my world. I can do whatever I want with it. Everyone else’s opinion just sort of melts away.

And this is something that’s really special to me, because–and my family can attest to this–with every other aspect of my life, I am so much of a people-pleaser that it makes me a little sick trying to make sure everyone’s happy.

But with writing…there’s none of that. There’s just me, my story, and whatever I want to write about. What everyone else thinks doesn’t even matter to me anymore, so that has to be my favorite thing.

Question Seven– What are some tips you would give to a new blogger? What are some tips for someone who’s hit a roadblock in blogging? —Hanne T

I believe someone has asked me for advice I’d give to newbie bloggers before, and since my advice still stands with what I thought then, I’m going to repeat it now:

Be you.

It is so, so, SO insanely easy to get swept up into the millions of voices that swarm through the blogosphere. There are solemn bloggers. Sarcastic bloggers. There are bloggers whose posts are deep and true. There are bloggers who sound professional, bloggers who make lists, bloggers who rant, bloggers who throw cookies everywhere (wait what how did this get here).

And then there are the bloggers who try to sound like everyone else because the other bloggers have tons of followers or commenters or whatever, and they just assume that if they copy their style, it will work for them, too.

But it usually fails.

Miserably.

And I really do not want this happening to you. If you’re a newbie blogger, my one piece of advice is–and will always be–be yourself.

And I am NOT saying that you need to be unique 100% of the time. Quite frankly, that is impossible and literally some of the worst advice ever, so that is not what I’m saying at all.

What I am saying is that you should write about what makes you happy, what makes you laugh, or what makes you think. Write what you want, and your own unique writing voice will pretty much just develop miraculously on its own.

It might take a little while, to be sure. I know that my first few posts were quite…odd. But then my voice just sort of exploded on the screen and now look where I am!

i fling cookies at people’s faces and call them marshmallows and peasants (do not follow my footsteps, dear bean)

So just try and be yourself. Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Write what you want to write. Do what makes you happy, and I promise you that you’re going to have a very happy blogging career.

But also don’t treat blogging like a career, unless that is really what you want to do, because then it gets really old and really tiring really fast. (Ye have been warned, sir)

As for tips when it comes to blogging roadblocks, I have one word for you…

TAGS.

Blogging tags are SO. MUCH. FUN.

Seriously, if you’re in a blogging slump, tags will A) give you a Get-Out-Of-Blogging-Free card for the week, and also B) help you better connect with the blogging community. It’s a win-win situation.

Some of my favorite tags include:

• The Sunshine Blogger Award (I don’t know who made this???)
• The Evil Writer Award (by the marvelous Kate) 
• Beautiful People (created by Cait and Sky, and there’s a new one every month, so SCORE! [also not a tag, but SHHHHH])
• Probably some others that I can’t think of because #marshmallowbrain

Question Eight– If you could design a soap line, what three scents would you choose? —kirsten

Might I just say how much I adore this question? Allow us a moment to appreciate just how beautiful it is…

…

Alright, time’s up. Here are my soaps:

• Cookies and Bubbles (it smells like cookies and bubbles, obviously)

This scentful soap would lather you in the delicious scent of freshly baked cookies, and by the time you got out of the shower, everyone would want to smell you.

okay, maybe that’s not a good idea…

• Books and Suds

You know that delicious smell when you crack open a book and take a whiff? Well, that’s exactly what you’ll smell like after using Books and Suds, the second soap on Kenzie’s Blogalicious Soap Line!

• Novel-Tea Soaps

This soap would be a super duper hit, because it features all of the classic books (Pride and Prejudice, Alice in Wonderland, other things I probably haven’t read….) printed directly onto white soap in teeny tiny letters that you can just barely read. As you continue to use the soap, you progress through the story.

And it also smells like tea. I mean, I don’t know why you’d want to smell like my Mega Arch-Rival, but still.

This particular soap is perfect for all those weirdos in your life who read in the tub.

(Seriously, though, I’m loving this idea. It’s soap…with a book on it.)

Question Nine– When did you start getting into writing, and how? —kirsten

Hmmm… I can’t exactly pin-point when I really started to get into writing. It honestly feels like I’ve been writing forever.

Of course, when I was but a smol bean-child, my stories frequently told the unfinished tales of horses that I knew nothing about. And then there was that one rather bizarre story about a girl who could talk to animals and went on an epic adventure when she was like nine years old?????

Like, no. You do not go on an epic adventure when you’re nine years old. And your best friend’s parents do not just stand there and wave at you from their doorway, shouting at you to have a wonderful time as you parade yourself down the street.

This does not happen.

Ever.

But anyway, getting back on topic, I think I really started to take my writing seriously around November of 2015. That October was the first time I ever heard of NaNoWriMo, and as soon as I figured out what it was, I knew I just had to do it.

Of course, I never actually signed up to the site because #scam, and in the end, having no community support or forums to procrastinate on, I ended up failing miserably…

But that one adventure in NaNoWriMo 2015 lit a spark inside of me that has not been quenched since. I eventually came back strong in April 2016, completely rebooted the story, wrote my first 50k in 30 days, and have refused to look back since.

Question Ten– Do you have a favorite old toy? —rosedalearts

Why, yes! Yes, I do.

And that special little toy just so happens to be the Winnie-The-Pooh bear that my mom gave to me after I had a really terrible nightmare one night.

The nightmare in question was basically a cartoon-like thing (in the style of Family Guy, which is odd because I’ve never actually watched Family Guy????), and this kid and his dad were at a cereal factory for Crunchy Munchy Bites. While there, the dad got sucked into one of the conveyors and started getting brainwashed into wanting to be a Crunchy Munchy Bite.

The kid with the abnormally large head was all like, “But wouldn’t you rather be my dad?”

And the dad was like, “I’d rather be a Crunchy Munchy Bite.”

And why, yes. I do realize how stupid this sounds but it STILL FREAKS ME OUT, OKAY?

But anyway, my mom gave me this adorable Pooh Bear that was actually hers as a child, and he immediately kept the nightmares at bay.

He’s definitely my most treasured toy, and will be forever and always.

Question Eleven– If you were forced to trade lives with one of your characters, which unlucky fellow would you become? Also, what are some of your favorite things to write about? —Lillian

After much consideration and thought, I have come to the conclusion that I would trade lives with–

—Todd.

And I know that you guys have absolutely no clue who I’m even talking about right now because I have completely failed to mention this story yet.

(I also haven’t written it yet, but SHHHHHH [#NaNoWriMo2017])

But I’m still trying to keep this story under wraps for right now, so let’s just switch over to everlost, shall we?

And this happens to be a very, very difficult situation, because all of these characters have so many issues. But if I need to switch lives with one of them, I’m going to go with Adaline.

She’s obviously the weirdest of them all, but I just love her character so much. Plus, I get to lop off someone’s arm, and what’s not to love about that? #fun

As for some of my favorite things to write about…weeeeeeeeell…

• Severed Arms
• Little girls with hatchets
• Little girls with double-headed axes
• Cookies
• Oceans
• Islands
• The galaxies and suns and moons and stars
• Sunshine and Rainbows (obviously)
• DRAGONSSSSSSSS
• Flowers that kill people
• Old abandoned libraries
• Secret, disturbing experimentation
• Dusty old books
• Dusty old books that kill people???

As you can see, my list of favorite things to write about varies greatly. Lovely, isn’t it?

Question Twelve– What fuels your inspiration the most? —To be a Shennachie

Hmm… I find myself inspired by a lot of things, really.

Sometimes I’m inspired by the outdoors. I love the sky, especially when it’s speckled with stars. I love learning about the constellations and the phases of the moon–just about anything galaxy-centered, really–, and I find that specific parts of my writing–poems, especially–reflect this.

I’m also frequently inspired by my family, my friends, and any other weird people that I come in contact with.

(Not saying that my family is weird, of course [they’re pretty weird])

My family in particular is super supportive of my writing, and I always become super inspired and excited to keep writing after talking with them about plot holes and character problems, even if I’m basically just ranting to their faces.

Another huge inspiration for me is God. When it comes to the things I write, my dream is to show Him through my stories. (please don’t ask me how I’m going to do this whilst severing limbs) I definitely do not want to smash people over the head with the Bible, but if I can show Him–show His love and joy through the words I pen in ink–then I’ll know that I’ve accomplished something worth doing, and that I’ve used my tiny slot of time to help better a world that is crumbling.

#deep

Question Twelve– What’s your favorite dessert? —monkeyeverythingblog

I think I’ve already mentioned this somewhere on this blog, but I’ma say it again, because it is literally the best dessert in the entire world.

unless i’m currently eating a different dessert, but SHHHH

And no. It is not cookies. Shocking, I know.

My favorite dessert is…..

…CHEESECAKE!

And not just any cheesecake! Oh no. It has to be the boxed stuff from Jell-O. No other cheesecake will do.

That stuff is delicious, I tell you, and if you were to make me a Jell-O cheesecake, I would be your slave for thirty years.

Or, you know, until the cheesecake is gone.

Whichever one comes first…

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And that concludes The Fantastical Q&A Part One! I am so severely sorry for the length of this post, guys. I really was trying to give short answers. #OOPS.

But now it is time for us to talk! If you could design a soap line, what would it be? What’s your least favorite condiment? And most importantly…

Have YOU ever ripped your pants?

Let us discuss ALL OF THE THINGS down in the comments below!

*flings cookies in the air and disappears*