Good afternoon, Cyberspace! Remember last month when I introduced you guys to one of my darling smol characters–Thao–and pleaded with you to give me some questions to ask him in the next cast interview?
Yeah, neither do I.
Here’s a refresher. . .
So apparently last month I participated in the wonderful Beautiful People linkup hosted by Cait and Sky, and at the end of said post, I asked you guys to shoot me some Q’s down in the comments so that I could host the second ever everlost Interview.
And, as always, you guys supplied me with some amazing questions!!! So today I am finally chaining Thao down and asking him ALL OF THE THINGS that y’all have been wondering!
Sounds fun, right?
Of course it does.
Let’s get started!
— everlost Interview #2 – Introducing Thao Crowe —
Kenzie: Good afternoon, Mr. Crowe! How are you doing on this glorious turquoise Tuesday?
Thao: Ew. The name’s Thao. Mr. Crowe is my grandfather. Do I look like an eighty-year-old balding geezer to you?
Thao: Don’t even start.
Kenzie: Heh. Sorry. Okay, well, now that we’re on the subject of your name, a lot of our questioneers were wondering how you pronounce it? Thao seems to be a rather uncommon title.
Thao: You’re the one who gave it to me. It’ s your own fault no one can pronounce it.
Kenzie: Just answer the question, please.
Thao: Fine. It’s pronounced THAY-O. Like a fillet-o-fish. Except I’m not a disgustingly pulverized piece of meat that’s been fried to a golden crisp. Happy?
Kenzie: Extremely! Let’s get onto the rest of the questions. *shuffles index cards*
Kenzie: Our first question is from loverofwriting2! She asks, ‘how is your relationship with your father, and is he still living?’ Ooh… This is a good one.
Thao: Are you going to say that after every single one of these?
Thao: *rolling his eyes up to the ceiling* Wonderful. My father, if you really feel the need to pry into my personal life, is actually dead. He died when I was a kid, as I’m sure you, chipmunk–of all people–already know.
Kenzie: Gee. I’m sorry, Thao. That must have been really hard for you.
Thao: You’re the one who DID it!
Kenzie: *shrugs* Some things must be done for the greater good, as you will eventually come to understand. So…how was your relationship with your father before his rather…untimely death?
Thao: I cannot believe this is actually happening right now.
Kenzie: Answer the question, please!
Thao: It was great. Absolutely spiffy. Can we just get on with this? I have some patients to attend to.
Kenzie: Okay! Well, it seems like we have a couple more questions from loverofwriting2… ‘Do you have any siblings’?
Thao: No. I’m an only child, thank goodness. Children are disturbing.
Kenzie: How about friends?
Thao: Fine, fine. I guess Nate could be classified as an…acquaintance. You could say he’s a bit of an eccentric. He’s always accusing me of stealing his food, but just between you and me, I think he just forgot that he ate it already.
Kenzie: *sighs* That’s all you have to say on the subject of friends?
Kenzie: Uh-huh. Moving on… Our next question comes from loverofbunnies2.
Thao: Who even are these people?
Kenzie: Shut up, Thao. Okay! So loverofbunnies2 asks, ‘Why do you hate…HER so much? Does SHE get on your nerves, or what?’ Heh… This question is gold…
Thao: You’re kidding.
Kenzie: Afraid not.
Thao: You expect me to talk about…about HER? This was NOT in the contract!
Kenzie: The contract said you had to answer every question, so…
Thao: No. No no no. You KNEW this would happen, chipmunk. You KNEW it. You set me up for this. So you know what? You can just take those little index cards of yours and–
Kenzie: I would have thought you’d enjoy a chance to tell everyone what “she” did to you…
Thao: *folds his arms* Fine. *turns to face audience* You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you what happened. That deranged, psychotic loon threatened to—
Kenzie: So sorry to interrupt, but that information is classified.
Thao: Excuse me?
Kenzie: That information is classified. You’ll have to choose something else.
Kenzie: *smiles angelically like the angel child that she is*
Thao: Alright. Fine. After she–
Thao: –and threw me in a–
Thao: Will you stop with that, already? I’m trying to answer the question, here.
Kenzie: You keep giving away spoilers.
Thao: GARH! Fine! She’s a complete and utter lunatic who chases sparkling figment butterflies! Do I need to justify my reasoning any more than that?
Kenzie: Not unless you want to.
Kenzie: I mean, that’s a little vague, but…
Thao: Just ask the next question.
Kenzie: Are you sure you–
Thao: NEXT QUESTION.
Kenzie: Wonderful! The next question comes from rosedalearts: What would you like to do on the mainland?’
Thao: What, so everyone knows of my hatred of this pathetic island now?
Kenzie: Pretty much, yep.
Thao: You don’t have anything better to do than blab about my personal life on the internet? Like, oh, I don’t know…maybe blab about your own personal life? Have you never heard of a little thing called privacy, chipmunk?
Kenzie: I created your privacy, Crowe. Now answer the question.
Thao: *flops back in seat like a spoiled child* Everything. Nothing. I just want off this demented island, okay? As long as I’m at least 5,000 feet away from my grandfather at all times, I’ll be content. Do you know how well restraining orders work on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere?
Thao: They don’t. That’s how.
Thao: Wait a minute. Did that man just write ‘*flops back in seat like a spoiled child*’? I am not a spoiled child! I’m not even a child!
Kenzie: Next question!
Thao: Who is that guy?
Kenzie: This one also comes from rosedalearts, and she writes: “What does your apartment look like?
Thao: *completely discombobulated as he turns back to Kenzie from trying to figure out who
I the amazing and all-knowing stenographer am is* Because that isn’t an extreme invasion of privacy at all.
Thao: Look, I don’t know what you want me to say, okay? My apartment looks like an apartment. It’s got white walls, a ceiling fan… I tried growing a plant once, but it died. Presumably because of all the germs I contract on a day-to-day basis. My beta fish, Rocky–
Kenzie: *grins at audience*
Thao: –has a little bowl on a stand and…wait. Why are you grinning like that?
Kenzie: *hastily hides Rocky’s Life poll results beneath the carpet* Nothing, nothing…
Thao: Where’d that carpet come from?!
Kenzie: What are you talking about?
Thao: That carpet! It just spontaneously materialized on the–
Kenzie: Do you have anything else to add to this question?
Thao: Not…not really…? It’s a rather small apartment. Tiny. Boring. Not much to add.
Thao: *stares at Kenzie with a suspicious glint in his left eye*
Thao: So help me, if you did something to Rocky…
Kenzie: What?! Why would you say that? I haven’t done anything to your smol little bean fish… *cough*not yet, mwahahahaha*cough*
Thao: Did you seriously just maniacal laugh between coughs?
Kenzie: Our next question comes from shewillwriteandwrite!
Thao: Now you’re just ignoring me.
Kenzie: She asks, “What would your dream job be?”
Thao: Wow. I…really don’t know how to answer that one.
Thao: I guess I’ve never really seen myself apart from being a doctor. It’s what the Crowe’s do. We’re doctors. It’s what my father wanted me to do. It’s what my father’s father wants–and forces–me to do. It’s what my father’s father’s father’s father wanted all of us to do, apparently. I’m pretty sure gramps has some sort of legal document binding the entire line of Crowes to the doctoring life.
Kenzie: Right. But if you weren’t a doctor–if you weren’t bound by your sickly grandfather’s manipulative will–
Thao: My grandfather is not sickly.
Kenzie: –what would you want to be?
Thao: Seriously, chipmunk, how am I supposed to know the answer to that? I’m a doctor. That’s my lot in life, and there’s literally no way I’m getting out from beneath my grandfather’s thumb until he dies. And unless you have your own personal trained assassin to slip poison into his goblet of daily prune juice–
Kenzie: *shifts eyes suspiciously*
Thao: —he ain’t going anywhere. The man’s a walking medical miracle, I tell you. He’ll still be wandering around aimlessly once we’ve all been burned to a crisp by Armageddon.
Kenzie: I don’t think that’s physically possible, actually…
Thao: *snorts* You have obviously never met my grandfather.
Kenzie: So you’re telling me that there’s literally nothing you would rather do than be a doctor?
Thao: What do you want me to do? Just pull something out of thin air? Give me a job that doesn’t include bunion cream and loonies and you’ve got yourself a buyer.
Thao: Tell me about it, chipmunk. Tell me about it. You’re the one who did this to me, after all. Or have you conveniently forgotten that fact?
Kenzie: *flips index cards nervously* Right, well… Next question! This one comes from Ruby Sky, and she asks, “What Star Wars character is your favorite?”
Thao: Star Wars? You mean that excruciatingly lame movie that only a geek would ever–
Kenzie: You have the boxed set, Thao.
Kenzie: Favorite character. Spill.
Thao: *does strange contortions with his rather pointed face* Jar Jar Binks.
Kenzie: Ha! Are you serious?
Thao: What? I always feel a lot better about my own pathetic life after seeing how many people would love to strangle his fibbly neck between their fingers.
Kenzie: You’re lying! You really do like Jar Jar!
Kenzie: I bet you have the little plush doll and everything…
Thao: You know nothing.
Kenzie: Oh my word, you do!
Thao: Next question.
Thao: I said next question!
Kenzie: Alright, alright! Oh! By the way, Ruby Sky has officially adopted you as her smol nephew. Just thought I should mention that real quick.
Thao: Wait, what?!
Kenzie: Our final two questions from the audience come from To be a Shennachie! “What is your earliest memory?”
Thao: Gee, I don’t know. Probably something dumb, like puking up baby food that smelled like rotten cabbages.
Kenzie: That is disgusting.
Thao: Actually…you know what? I think it was the Crowe family Christmas party of 3010. I was four at the time. All my idiotic cousins were receiving these extremely lame toys that you just knew they were going to break before the night wore out, and you know what I got?
Kenzie: Dare I ask?
Thao: A stethoscope. And not even one of those pathetic little plastic ones you give to nerdy kids who want to play pretend. A real stethoscope. Complete with a lesson from my darling grandfather on how to use it. The best part of that night was convincing my cousins that they were on the verge of heart-failure so that they’d go crying to their parents and I could play with their toys.
Kenzie: That sounds horrible!
Thao: Believe me, it was.
Kenzie: That’s not what I…never mind. I think we should just go to our final question here… To be a Shennachie asks, “Why ‘Rocky’?”
Thao: Why not Rocky? You think I’m going to name him something fishy like Blubbles? Of course not. That’d be weird.
Kenzie: And naming a fish Rocky, isn’t?
Thao: He has rocks in his bowl. He likes his rocks. Maybe he wants to show his devotion to his rocks. You don’t know him. You don’t know his life.
Kenzie: You’re getting a little defensive, there, Thao…
Thao: You don’t know what he’s been through.
Kenzie: Okay, I think we’re just going to wrap this little interview up for now…
Kenzie: Thank you so much to everyone who sent in questions! I am sure our special guest has had a wonderful time answering them all!
Kenzie: Our next interview will take place soon, so go ahead and cast your votes for who you’d like to see strapped to the electric chair next!
Thao: Wait, what???
Kenzie: And don’t forget that next time it will be a double interview, so make sure you vote for whichever pairing you’d like to see take the stage together. *clasps hands gleefully* So many delicious combinations!
Thao: You’re honestly starting to frighten me…
Kenzie: Oh! That reminds me… Thao, I sort of promised the audience that you would rip the spotlight from the ceiling and run away with it, so…you know…if you could just do that real quick.
Thao: What?! Are you insane? That isn’t even possible!
Kenzie: Sure it is! Just sort of reach up and snatch the–hey! Where are you going?!
Thao: Anywhere but here.
Kenzie: But you have to steal the spotlight!!!!
Thao: I’m pretty sure you’ve already done that, chipmunk.
Kenzie: Thao, wait!!! You just have to–UGH! Hold on…
Kenzie: *yanks spotlight out of the ceiling*
*electric sparks fizzle into the audience*
*people shoving towards the fire exits*
Kenzie: *forcing the spotlight into Thao’s arms*
Kenzie: TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT!
Kenzie: TAKE IT!!!!!!
Thao: I don’t want tha–
Kenzie: I SAID TAKE IT!!!!!!!
*room explodes into darkne–*
. . .
. . .
. . .
. . . RESTART AND TRY AGAIN . . .
— The Poll —
talk to me, peasants!
Well, that escalated quickly…
Alright, Cyberspace, so what did you think? Do you think Thao is a lovely smol bean, or is he rather annoying?
possibly rude??? Are you excited for the NEXT everlost interview, or do you wish these things would just stop because they are so odd??? And most importantly, did YOU ever have one of those fun little stethoscope thingies??? cause I totally did…
Let us chat about ALL OF THE THINGS down in the comments below!!!
But first…did you make sure to vote for the next set of interviewees? If you haven’t, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? VOTE, MY SMOL CRUMBLINGS! VOTE!
*flings cookies in the air and disappears*