The Twelve Days of Writing – A Musical Parody

My brain is fried potato today, Cyberspace.

NaNoWriMo was — to put it simply — draining. My writerly tube has been completely emptied of all its carefully stored up creative juices, and I am officially a dried up potato fry.

isn’t this wonderful

But it is Tuesday! And Tuesdays mean blog posts, and since I have absolutely no drafts backed up that look appealing in the least, it is time to whip up something drastic.

So here we go, Cyberspace. Prepare yourself.

With November behind us, and Christmas fast-approaching, now is obviously the perfect time to begin preparing for the glorious festivities of the season: decking the halls out in twinkle lights, making cookies, stringing your hair in twinkle lights, nearly hanging yourself with a silver tinsel scarf, writing weird Christmas-y blog posts, wrapping your head in a ball of still more twinkle lights, and, most importantly. . .

. . .singing.

Ah yes. Music. Without the proper Christmas music blaring in our eardrums every single minute from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve, this beautiful winter wonderland we see transforming all around us just doesn’t feel like Christmas, now does it?

I mean, what would we possibly do without Josh Groban singing Believe atop our rooftops as we hop on board a creepy train in the middle of the night to make for the North Pole like stolen children in the night? And how on earth would we know how far to go in our horse-drawn sleighs without the dulcet tones of Jingle Bells telling us that — yes. We must go ALL THE WAY.

Christmas just isn’t complete without the proper soundtrack jingle jingle jingling and Chris Kringle-ing in the background, and with all of us writers hastily trying to recover from the horrors of NaNoWriMo before Christmas hits us in the face like a brick of hardened fruitcake, I thought it would be some jolly good fun to remake one of the more popular (and quite possibly the best) Christmas songs in a way that might help inspire us and fill up our bone-dry creative tubes.

Because this is a writing blog, and I am a writer, and writing is all I ever talk about apparently. Ha.

And so, without further ado, it is my honor and privilege to present to thee —

The Twelve Days of Writing

a glorious parody by Kenzie A. Keene

(go ahead. sing it out loud. nobody’s listening. [mwahahahahahaha…])

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On the first day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

A first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the second day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the third day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the fourth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the fifth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the sixth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the seventh day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Seven corpses rotting,

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the eighth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Eight tears a-oozing,

Seven corpses rotting,

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the ninth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Nine hairs a-graying,

Eight tears a-oozing,

Seven corpses rotting,

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the tenth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Ten grenades exploding,

Nine hairs a-graying,

Eight tears a-oozing,

Seven corpses rotting,

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the eleventh day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

Eleven plot bunnies plotting,

Ten grenades exploding,

Nine hairs a-graying,

Eight tears a-oozing,

Seven corpses rotting,

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

 

On the twelfth day of writing, my story gave to me. . .

(insert dramatic pause)

. . .

Twelve plot holes manifesting,

Eleven plot bunnies plotting,

Ten grenades exploding,

Nine hairs a-graying,

Eight tears a-oozing,

Seven corpses rotting,

Six FBI agents investigating,

FIVE EERILY SPECIFIC AND EXCEEDINGLY SUSPICIOUS SEARCH HISTORIES!

Ba dum bum bum. . .

Four frozen fingers,

Three love triangles,

Two twitching eyeballs,

And a first draft filled with

PAIN.

The End.

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And that’s all I’ve got for today, Cyberspace! What did you think of the smudge? I know this isn’t the kind of post that I normally write around here, but enhancing songs by changing the lyrics is something that I’ve always loved doing. #Kenziefunfact So if this was something that you enjoyed — and would perhaps like to see more of in the future? — let me know down in the comments below! I might even do some more Christmas songs during this most wonderful time of the year!

You know. If you want.

hahahaha i’ll probably do it anyway. #sonice

But anyway, enough about me and my odd obsession with changing lyrics! What are some of YOUR favorite Christmas songs? Do you enjoy Christmas music like a sane person, or do you begin bellowing Jingle Bells at the top of your lungs the day after Halloween because CHRISTMAS IS COMING ASDFGHJKL!!!! #me Whatever your musical preferences and Christmas obsessions, let us talk about ALL OF THE CHRISTMAS down in the comments below!!!!

As always, until next time. . .

*flings cookies in the air and disappears*

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