everlost.

good morning, cyberspace

and yadda yadda yadda —

I FINISHED EVERLOST.

As of 3:11 pm on April 9th, everlost’s second draft is complete.

BOOM.

*vultures exploding*

*pitchforks dancing*

*babies screaming*

*one kenzie dying*

I know. I know. This is shocking. You’re shocked. That vulture is shocked. I am currently in a state of severe shock that is prohibiting wordly things from coming out of my mouth holes and fingers.

BASICALLY WE’RE ALL OF THE SHOCKED, YES?

I don’t even know where to begin explaining this. My brain feels like a fried maggot meatloaf. I am a burning marshmallow. The world is my oyster.

words no longer exist for me.

You’re probably wondering all of the questions right now, yes? Questions like “What happened?” “How could this possibly be?” “WHAT IS LIFE?”

And I’ll be honest, folks — I do not know. Life no longer has meaning. Cookies no longer taste the same. My laptop is weeping softly in the corner. I think this is what having an existential crisis feels like.

I am a writer without a story. A poet without words. My creative well is bursting, yet mysteriously dry.

My precious story is gone.

And I am sad.

But also SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED BECAUSE ASDFGHJKL THE SECOND DRAFT IS DONE!!!!

I did a thing. I wrote a BOOK. I spent a whole year and a half working on a story, and finally — FINALLY — it’s ready to be read. The excitement. I can’t even explain it. It is engulfing. I am a flame.

can you tell I’m having trouble with the words? because I AM HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE WORDS.

So! The second draft is done. It is finished. My alpha reader (a.k.a. my glorious mom who I love more than anything on this planet) is reading it, and I am simultaneously both so terrified and so severely excited that I could not even manage to sleep last night. And soon, my betas will be reading it, as well.

Which is totally fine HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.

I’m fine. Everything’s fine.

But also everything is not fine, so let’s talk about it, shall we?

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. . . Thoughts On Finishing everlost . . .

• *insert radio silence*
• . . .
• . . .
• . . .
• *insert dramatic screaming*
• ASDFGHJKL
• ASDSDLKDJGOSD
• LKDFJDODASD
• HDSGKJDSFPASIFNDDSF
• DFLLDFBSALFNDGKLDJFLSDKFJ
• FLAMINGOS.

This is my thought process. Do not judge.

I think the weirdest thing about finishing a draft or a book is that it’s kind of a lonely ordeal, you know? I mean, you spend days, months, years of your life silently pouring your heart and your soul into this random thing™ of your own creation, and even though people know about this thing™ that you’re creating. . .they don’t necessarily come with you.

Sure, you tell people about the process, the adventure. You write blog posts squealing about ALL OF THE WONDROUS THINGS and you lay awake at night fangirling over your own characters and plot twists, but. . .when it all boils down to it, writing a book is a journey for one.

So when you pen the final words and the laptop lid finally closes, you find that even though you’ve been mysteriously missing over the past 547 days, the world has miraculously gone on spinning without you. And even though you half expect the entire universe to implode the minute you write THE END — it doesn’t. It just stays there. Existing. And now you must learn how to go on existing along with it.

Like a normal person. #blech.

However. Another thought — a less sad and depressing thought, I might add — that I had a few hours after finishing everlost went something along the lines of, “OH MY WORD, THIS IS SO FREAKY.”

And why was this my thought, you might ask? Well. As it turns out, it took me EXACTLY one year to finish this second draft.

That’s right, folks. Precisely one year ago from April 9th (the day i finished everlost. in case you forgot. [HOW COULD YOU FORGET, PEASANTS???]) was the day I finished the first draft of everlost. At 1 o’clock in the morning.

And the really creepy thing is, I had absolutely no idea what date I finished on last year. I mean, I knew it was sometime near the middle-ish of April (CAMP NANOWRIMO!!! AAAAAHHH!) and I knew for SURE that it was at 1 in the morning. (being sleep deprived the next day is not something you easily forget, my friends.) But the actual date never really stuck with me.

BUT. A little while after I had finished my book, the oddest thought collided with my brain meats.

What if.

It was a crazy, impossible thought, but I just had to know. And luckily enough for my smol marshmallow brain, I have a marvelous twin who is much better at recording and keeping track of things than myself. (thank you, Kate!!) So with a few clicks of a mouse, I found the log recording one of the most extraordinary achievements of my lifetime, and sure enough. . .

why yes. that is my sleep-deprived message written to my fellow sleep-deprived cabin-mates. aren’t i a ray of pure hyper sunshine?

And I know that this probably looks TOTALLY staged, but I swear it wasn’t. I had absolutely no clue, and I’m kind of still having a Freaky Friday moment over here. So.

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. . . I finished everlost. — Now What? . . .

Ah! This is a marvelous question. And unfortunately enough — i have absolutely no idea.

Hahahahahaha. #fail.

I’m currently bopping between ideas for next steps and new ideas and whatnot, but as of right now I have the rest of my life narrowed down into a simple five act plan.

Step One – have an existential crisis

Step Two – celebrate with dancing and tears

Step Three – burn hair out and murder three small men as you wait for feedback from Alpha and Betas

Step Four – purchase a motorcycle and begin midlife crisis early

Step Five – choose a new story idea and forget midlife crisis ever existed as you continue the treacherous journey of being a writer

SOUNDS FUN, AMIRIGHT???

My only problem right now is that I don’t know which of my many marvelous ideas I want to write next. I’m trying to take a bit of a break from everlost, so writing the sequel for that is out. There’s also my superhero novel, but I’m still supremely in love with my everlost characters, so creating an entirely new cast just feels. . .wrong. And sort of like betrayal.

And then there’s T. And I really don’t feel like writing T right now.

I think I need to make a pro/con list.

Of course, choosing a new story idea is definitely not the only wonderful thing I’m planning now that I’ve finished the second draft! In celebration of finishing everlost*, I’m planning a super fun smudge that will contain ALL OF THE EVERLOST STUFF! — including my writing playlist, some BE-YOU-TI-FUL photos drawn by none other than my gorgeous and so-insanely-talented friend, Kate Marie (and also two from me but whatever. her drawing skillz are GOALS), my severely lacking but still totally perusable (that’s a word) Pinterest boards, and — if I’m feeling extremely generous — Bella’s real name.

maybe.

And let’s not forget that awesome interview with Thao and Adaline that I’ve been sitting on since last year! That’s right, guys. I actually did look at the polls, and Thao and Adaline — as I had kind of anticipated — won by a long shot. So. You’re getting an interview with them, as well.

But for all you marshmallow peeps out there who couldn’t possibly care less that I’ve finished the second draft of my book — never you fear, my friends. I shall be spacing these conglomeration posts out pretty evenly from each other so that I can focus on my ‘normal’ smudges, as well. There’s been a lot of everlost hubbub going on around here lately, and I think it’s high-time that I begin trying to ease myself back into my usual writerly ways.

I mean, I was technically supposed to do that today, but. . .I finished my book. How on earth could you possibly expect me not to squeal about this for 2,000 years?

I MUST BE ALLOWED TO SQUEAL, PEASANTS.

(*I keep saying that I finished everlost, but like. . .I still need to edit it a million more times??? THIS BOOK IS FAR FROM OVER, GUYS. *distant cheering*)

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. . . Camp NaNoWriMo – The What Now Dilemma . . .

I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to be doing for Camp anymore, to be honest. My main goal for the month was finishing the second draft of everlost, and now that’s done soooooooo. . .now what?

I mean, I set my goal for 30 hours, and I’ve only accomplished nine of those, which means that I still have 21 hours of creative writing that I need to log before I become a winner. And as I’m sure you all know by now — KENZIE AIN’T NO LOSER.

Or a quitter. So I need to keep doing the NaNo, obviously.

So after some very careful deliberation that was accomplished in less than two seconds, I think I’ve found my solution.

Over the next 20 days, I’m going to be working on two things —

Thing One – choosing and outlining a new plan for ultimate world destruction story

Thing Two – building a back-log for blog posts

Thing One is my next step in becoming the ULTIMATE WRITER OF THE UNIVERSE. Thing Two is something I need to start doing or I shall begin ripping my hair out with a baseball bat.

Which is totally possible if you try hard enough.

So yes. That is my plan for the rest of April. Plotting and blogging and ripping my hair out. #fun

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more squealing to attend to.

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talk to me, peasants!

Dangflabbit, that was another update post. I am so sorry, guys. I promise I’ve not become one of those weird updater people. (do updater people even exist? am i the first ever weird updater person???) I’M STILL CREATIVE, I SWEAR. GIVE ME A CHANCE, BERTHA.

But WHOA. I finished the second draft of everlost. My beta readers are going to read it. I wrote a book that I am not 110% ashamed of yet. I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE, MA.

Have I ever mentioned that I love April? Because I truly love April. All the wonderful things happen this time of year. . . (like finishing my books. April 9th is officially my favorite day. [except for like every other day that something wonderful happens, of course.])

But anyway, that is far too much about me. Let’s talk about you. How is your Camp NaNoWriMo going? Have you ever finished a second draft, first draft, third draft, red fish, blue fish? Can you relate to the weird yet uber exciting feeling of finishing a story and having to melt back into the real world, and how on earth do you do it without ripping your hair out? 

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE? IS THIS JUST FANTASY? I’m caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

Let’s talk about ALL OF THE THINGS down in the comments below!

And as always, until next time. . .

*flings cookies in the air and disappears*