Please Don’t Murder Me, Peasants (*insert awkward laughter here*)

#PostTitlingMaster

good morning, cyberspace!

And welcome back to yet another episode of Kenzie Posts Super Duper Late and Hopes Her Angry Friends Don’t Rip Her Head Off With A Cheese Grater! I’ve got to say, this has probably been the longest running series I’ve done here on Smudged Thoughts. Let’s give me a nice, big, juicy round of applesauce applause, shall we?

oh my god wow GIF by 9Now

Thank you. Thank you. I’m expecting my golden trophy for World’s Worst Blogger in the mail any day now. However, to be fair, this blog’s tagline is “The Worst Blog in Cyberpace”. So. I mean we’re totally living up to our title these past few months, am I right?

Aha.

BUT ANYWAY! Today I am finally back (for who even knows how long AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA–*distant sobbing*) to bring y’all a mega-super-awesome-strawberry-deluxe update of sorts. Because in my LAST post, I vaguely promised that this post would have ALL OF THE ANSWERS as to why I’ve been a complete refried bean when it comes to blogging as of late. SO! That’s why I’m here today.

And also why I’m kind of scared to write and post this smudge, because so much of what I’m about to say is up in the air right now. Like, I have no idea what’s going to be happening in the next few weeks. I have no idea what’s going to be happening in the next few days. I have no idea what’s even happening right now. So if there is absolutely anything you take away from this post, it is that I am literally begging you not to listen to a single word I say in this post. Because I am pretty sure none of it is going to actually happen. *thumbs up*

BUT! There is still a chance that Mr. Luck will smile down upon me with his gnarly teeth, so let’s just get right into it, shall we?

First off, let’s talk about the “schedule” for August. . . .



 — AUGUST IN A NUTSHELL —

Firstly, let me just say that this is not how I expected my August blogging to go. I was finally catching up on everyone’s blogs. I was finally responding to comments! I was finally being a good bloggerly bean and doing all of the things a blogger is supposed to do.

Like. . .you know. . .blog.

But unfortunately for me, The Thing* happened, and now I am here. Not blogging. Wishing for death as I look at my emails and comments piling up to the heights of Mount Doom.

But it’s all good! For I have finally constructed myself a schedule for August, which means that, with any luck, I will actually be okay.

Maybe. Hopefully. Probably not.

So without further ado, here is my blogging schedule for the rest of August. . .

THE SCHEDULE

August 14th (today! [cheater.]). . .Explain what on earth is going on, ask for help with blogiversary (whaaaaaaaat?)and give the internet ample excuses for why I have not been posting on time lately

August 17th. . . It’s Smudged Thoughts’s Two-Year Blogoversary! — I cannot believe I’ve been blogging for nearly two years. On the one hand, it has brought me SOOOOO many amazing friends and memories and fun. On the other. . .I’m absolutely awful at this thing called “writing the posts”. Who woulda thunk.

August 31st. . . Finally hop back onto my blog for the rest of eternity and tell y’all how The Thing went. Either I shall come back covered in golden medallions of success, or I shall hobble in with three broken fingers and one leg made of rubble.

And that there’s the schedule, my friends. Look at it in it’s complete, tiny glory. Honestly, I’m not even sure I’m going to get that third post up, but WE GONNA TRY, OKAY?? Surely I can do three posts, right? Three posts isn’t all that bad, especially considering I’m taking off next week entirely to work on The Thing nonstop.

AAAAAAAaaaand, I’m sure by now you’re wondering what on earth The Thing is. Well, you’re about to find out, my friend!

But not quite yet because I have one more thing I need to discuss with y’all first. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*patience, young one. we will get to this shortly



HELP ME!

As you literally just found out, this upcoming Friday is my second-ever blogiversary!!!!! Which makes this a grandiose occasion for multiple reasons.

A) because it means that I have been blogging for TWO ENTIRE YEARS WHAAAAAT? HOW? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS YE SPEW?, and B) because it means that I have completed two entire years of blogging without disappearing entirely or gnawing my own head off. So. I mean this is a very celebratory moment.

BUT. AS USUAL. I have absolutely no idea what to do for my blogoversary. Last year it just kind of crept on my like the grim reaper and smacked me upside the head, and, in a panicked state of hyperventilation, I furiously slapped out a very sad little thank you note.

It was touching.

It was sweet.

It was kind of blech.

So this year, I am determined to do something better. Like last time, I don’t have any way of putting together a giveaway or a drawing or something cool like that, but I do have some ideas as to what we can do to celebrate! And since I am a completely indecisive bean, I’ve created a poll so that you, my lovely marshmallow friends, can vote on how we should celebrate!

Because polls are fun and interactive and the complete epitome of everything I have not been over the past few weeks. Aha.

But anyway, I would greatly appreciate it if y’all could take a moment to clickity click on which thing you’d like me to do for my blogiversary! Having your input would mean SO much to both me and my indecisive brain.

. . .and finally, the very last thing on today’s agenda. . .



THE THING.

I’m sure you’re all properly intrigued by now, are you not? What on earth could The Kenzie possibly be doing that has skewered her schedule so royally? What on earth could she possibly have signed on to to make her entire life tip up on its head and vomit out all of its dignity and grace?

Well, my friends, the answer is quite simple. . .

I AM HOPEFULLY PARTICIPATING IN PITCH WARS!

ta da GIF by PlayStation

I know, I know. This is totally exciting and glorious, isn’t it? I bet you have absolutely no confusion at ALL. Goodness knows I surely didn’t have any when I found out about this thing literally less than a month ago LOLOLOLOLOLOL (tell me why i’m doing this again) for the first time.

Luckily enough for you, however, you don’t have to go scavenging through the interwebs to pilfer little snippets of information like I did, for I have managed to harvest a wonderful dictionary definition of Pitch Wars from out of the very depths of my brain meats.

And we all know that my dictionary definitions are absolute magic and have no exaggerations in them whatsoever.

. . .DICTIONARY DEFINITION. . .

Pitch Wars
Pitch·Wars

(n.) noun – 1. a writing competition in which writers from all around the world submit the first chapter of their completed, polished manuscripts to up to four pitch wars mentors in the hopes that one of those mentors will choose them to become their padawan mentee. The mentor/mentee duo will then spend the following 3,000 years months revising, reworking, and polishing the mentee’s manuscript until it glistens, and, after the revision period is over, the mentee’s pitch and first page shall be published for participating agents to view and — if the manuscript strikes them as particularly spiffy — potentially offer representation to the young, extremely terrified jedi writers.

2. The Cause Of Kenzie’s Premature Death

(and if you’re still confused, here’s a dingledeedoo so you can go check out the actual website for it and fill your brain hole with understanding)

That’s right, folks. I am going to be entering my smol, precious beast of a book — everlost — into a writing competition.

Hopefully.

And I am low-key freaking out.

I’ve never actually entered a writing competition before. I’ve never actually met a deadline before, and if I want to enter EV into this thing, I have to seriously buckle down and crank out those edits. Submission begins on August 27th, and my current to-do list is. . .well. . .massive doesn’t seem a strong enough word.

I have to cut this monster down by about 90,000 words because a 200,000 word novel is never going to get published traditionally. (there are exceptions to this, of course, but banking on being an exception is just a recipe for disaster, so. . .yeah.)

I have to work on character development and motive.

I have to turn my plot of mush into something of actual nourishing sustenance.

I have to write a synopsis. (???)

I have to write a query letter. (??????????????)

I HAVE TO DELETE BARNEY.

And that isn’t even half of the things I need to do. Some of these scenes are so beyond messed up. I’ve already had to chop off the ending I’d had my heart set on since the beginning of this book, which means that I have to somehow scrounge up a way to fall in love with the ending again.

also have to work on cutting out the things that don’t necessarily mean anything to the plot, but STILL MAKE MY HEART EXTREMELY HAPPY AND UGH. This is probably the hardest part, guys. Killing your darlings is HARD. It isn’t fun. It isn’t pretty. It honestly just makes you sick.

But there is a sort of delirious excitement in being able to take a silver hatchette to your work. It makes me feel powerful. Like I’m tightening up this story that I love and turning it into something beautiful.

And also disgusting.

It’s a very weird process, guys.

So yeah. That’s basically all I’ve got to say on the subject of this post. I’m hoping to enter a writing competition, I’m mutilating my manuscript, I’m celebrating my second-ever blogiversary in just three days, and I am currently drowning in a sea of emails and blog posts and friend messages and death.

Life has never been busier. Life has most certainly been better. And Life is about to get a whole lot more interesting, my friends. . .

addicted fun GIF



TALK TO ME, PEASANTS!

And that’s all I’ve got for today, folks! I know today’s post was a little weird — and more than a little late — but I’m hoping y’all can sort of cut me some slack based on all the EV writing I’ve been doing lately. I mean, obviously this grave is one that I have willingly dug for myself, buT STILL. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY LACK OF PRESENCE, GUYS.

But anyway, that is plenty enough from me. Let’s hear from you guys! What have y’all been up to in this most glorious month of August? (one of my personal favorites, if I do say so myself!) Have you been doing any writing? Any editing? Any premature death planning as you strive to meet your self-inflicted goals? Have you ever heard of Pitch Wars? ARE YOU ENTERING PITCH WARS???? (because if so, you need to tell me so that we can squee and cheer each other on. because that would be fun. and it would also alleviate some of the terror that i feel right now aHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAha.) And most importantly. . .

ARE YOU EXCITED FOR MY BLOGIVERSARY???? (you better have participated in the poll, peasants!!!! XD )

Let’s talk about ALL OF THE THINGS!!! down in the comments below! I want to hear all about your projects and your summers and how much you hate me for not responding to all the comments on my previous posts yet. . .aha. #iamsosorryguys

As always, until next time. . .

*flings cookies in the air and disappears*

32 thoughts on “Please Don’t Murder Me, Peasants (*insert awkward laughter here*)

  1. No, not Barney!!! It’s not fair!

    I completed the poll. Now I’m wondering which three other beans beat me to it.

    And I already squee’d with you, but again: Eeeee! We got this! Especially you, because you have more work to do. But I will help! (Y’know, if you need me to.)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “But there is a sort of delirious excitement in being able to take a silver hatchette to your work. It makes me feel powerful.”

    Those two sentences are Awesome. ^.^
    I might need more of that attitude with my editing. >:)
    Except I need to add more words.

    But now I wonder, since you have to change the ending, would it be possible to split EV into two volumes so you only have to work with the 100K for Pitch Wars? Or…or…is it really that mushy and squishy and random and needs to all be hacked away down to the bare bones?

    ALSO THERE IS NO POLL FOR THE CELEBRATION! Or at least it’s not loading for me?
    But now I know I gotta bake cookies on Friday. Or maybe bake a cake.

    Liked by 1 person

    • MEEEP! JETHAN!!! YOU ARE SO SWEET, I CAN’T. *tackle hugs* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Perhaps we can conquer the revision monster together. I’ll CUT all of the words with my silver hatchette, and you can ADD all of the words with your golden pen!!!! XD

      OKAY. So this is what I’ve been TRYING to do. I tried to cut the book “sort of” in half, but not entirely, since I wanted to keep the main story arc throughout the whole thing. BUT. I REALLY HATED WHERE IT ENDED? There’s a very specific scene that I have in mind that I NEED to be the final scene. It’s just…it’s what I’ve had my heart set on since starting this book. SO. I am doing my best to cut out useless scenes that don’t add to the plot, and THEN — if I’m STILL way over on word count — I’m going to try and see what I can do about cutting the book. But that is currently a VERY last resort, since I’m in love with the ending I’ve got… MY PROBLEM IS THERE ISN’T A LOT THAT I’M SEEING THAT FEELS RANDOM AND SQUISHY. I really am trying to delete the things that don’t matter, but…it feels like it all matters. And I know that can’t possibly be the case, so I’m combining scenes and cutting and slashing, but… It’s just hard, I guess. XD

      WAIT WHAT??? I AM SO SORRY!!!! I’m not sure how to get it to load on your thing… But I think I saw where Phoebe gave you a list of what was available?? I SHALL DEFINITELY ADD YOUR VOTE INTO THE MIX IF YOU PUT IT IN A COMMENT!!!!
      Mmmmmm… Cookie cake….

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oooh, I definitely want a golden pen to add words! :D

        Ah, I thought since you were changing the ending, that the scene you really wanted to end on would have to be changed too, and thus splitting the book up might not be as annoying. I HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK!! Chop, chop, chop…

        The poll problem has been solved!

        Some cake mixes have cookie recipes called cakies.

        Like

        • RIGHT?? And I need my silver hatchette… (unfortunately I’ve been REwriting, so….? Is it cutting words? Is it adding words? WHO KNOWS. But my characters are getting much better! XD)

          No… I haven’t been able to change that final ending because I love it SOOOO much. And it’s like the PERFECT amount of punch, and I just!!!!! I DON’T WANNA CHANGE IT. *sobbing*

          YES!!! This pleases me greatly!

          ?????????????? I have never heard of this before????? I need…

          Liked by 1 person

          • So long as it makes the words of better quality, that is what matters. ^.^

            Ah, I see. I hope it doesn’t need to be changed! Stay safe, Final Scene! (Unless you’re Nancy Drew, then it’s very not-safe…)

            I think it’s Duncan Hines that has cookie recipes for its cake mixes.

            Like

            • Agreed! I’m trying to make this the best possible story it can be, so I guess once I finish rewriting these scenes, I can begin working on cutting out the unnecessary fluff. …even if that fluff is soft and squishy and makes me happy inside. XD

              I’M TRYING TO PROTECT IT!!! It is the world that wants it gone! 😂😭 Wait… I’m confused about the Nancy Drew thing…

              WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I need to try and look this up.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Yes1 Eep, I wonder how it’ll go once I’m editing a finished draft. o.0 Goodbye, fluffy squishies.

                There’s a Nancy Drew game called Final Scene that’s about an old theater set for demolition, and you have to find someone who was kidnapped before the theater is destroyed.

                Liked by 1 person

                  • From what I’ve seen thus far, I either love editing or hate it. One or the other. Whereas writing a first draft has Love, Okay, Meh, and Hate. The whole spectrum.

                    But having a COMPLETE draft…that could change everything…MwahahahHAHAHAHAHA!

                    Like

                    • Same, though. Honestly, I feel like every single process of writing has the whole spectrum for me. There are moments when I’m editing and it’s okay, but then other times when I’m absolutely in love, and OTHER times when I want to throw the entire thing out. But I know that eventually I’ll get back to the absolutely in love stage, so there’s always something to keep pressing on towards. XD

                      Okay, but HAVING A COMPLETE DRAFT IS THE MOST AMAZING THING. I’m sure you remember this, but I finished EV at 1 in the morning on a Sunday. DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT WAS TO STOP FEELING JITTERY SO I COULD FALL ASLEEP??? It was CRAZY. And also the most amazing thing ever…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Agh! I need to get a complete draft!!! :O

                      Yes! I remember it was at one in the morning! :D Oooh, that sounds so exciting, but also annoying cuz sleep is nice. xD I wonder when I’ll finish Spectra…maybe if I tried to concentrate on book 1 it would work better. :P

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • YES, JETHAN. YES, YOU DO. That’s what we’re gonna work towards for this year’s NaNo!!! (if you want to, of course…) I really want you to be able to have a finished draft, Jethan!!!!

                      Yeah… Sleep is nice, but…….WRITING. Writing was almost more important than sleep that night. (Because it was literally the SECOND TIME that I had ever finished a first draft. It was glorious.) YOU SHALL FINISH SPECTRA!! I’m not sure the exact DAY, but I want to see this happen so badly!! And possibly working on book one WOULD be better…? But depending on your process, maybe not. I know that I’m a very chronological writer. I can’t work chapters out of order, so I can’t even imagine doing that with books. XD

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • That would be fabulous! Right now I have the goal of getting my editing doc up to 100k words, it’s at 75k right now. I also need to expand the outline framework on there. It ended on the obsolete ending, and basically nothing is there about the fabulously epic climax. So, I need to get it all on there. For now, getting it to 100k is my goal.

                      Definitely that night writing was more important! :D I’m learning more and more that I seem incapable of chronology at this point. It’s an absolute for Spectra. UGH! I GOTTA WRITE THIS THING!!! I gotta set this up as challenge to myself or something…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • OOOOOOOH!!! You are so close to hitting that goal!! You’ve got this, Jethan!!! *flings pompoms at your face* Ooh. Climaxes. Honestly, I’m really awful at building climaxes. And also resolutions. Those are the bane of my existence. But I guess knowing I need to work on them is a step in the right direction, right?? 😂 (YOU CAN TOTALLY HIT THAT GOAL!!! What are you at currently???)

                      Absolutely. 😂 Oh okay! So we’re opposites on that. I absolutely abhor working out of order, because I forget things and get confused extremely easily. But I applaud writers who can do that. Your brain is amazing. DUDE. YOU DO NEED TO WRITE THIS…. I’m wondering if there’s anything I can do to give it more of an incentive…?

                      Like

  3. Voting update for Kenzie: The link to the poll works on the general wordpress site, I guess the preview mode? But when I’m on your actual blog the link isn’t there for me. But I have managed to vote in the poll!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. TWO YEAR BLOGIVERSARY!! Awww!!! What a cute little blog! It’s made so many friends since it was born XD XD I wish it many more happy years :D
    AND PITCH WARS SOUNDS AMAZING!!! I hope you win!! Yikes tho, that sounds like a tonn of work until then!! If you need any help (or advice XD), I’m extremely happy to help!! Just shoot me an email! When does the submissions close?
    I VOTED!! Who *wouldn’t* want to have all of the things in one post!!! XD XD

    Liked by 1 person

    • ACK I KNOOOOOOOW!!!! I can’t believe it’s going to be two years. It’s such a smol little blog. AND ALL THE FRIENDS I’VE MADE THROUGH BLOGGING!!! I CAN’T. Y’ALL ARE TOO PERFECT!!! *hugs* Thank you SO much, bunny!!!! <333

      It really does sound amazing, doesn't it?? I am so excited to (hopefully) be participating… It's gonna be a stretch to meet the goal, but I AIN'T GONNA STOP UNTIL I DO!!!! I might actually take you up on that. XD Right now there's not a whole lot of help or advice I could actually ask of people, because it's mostly in my head, but you might see a lot of ramblings from me soon. Aha. XD The submission opens on the 27th, and closes at midnight on the 29th, so I mean, if I don't submit RIGHT ON the 27th, that kind of sort of gives me a couple extra days? But I don't want to push it too close. That would be kind of terrible. XD

      OH DEAR. I'M GUESSING YOU VOTED FOR ALL OF THE ABOVE. XD

      Liked by 1 person

  5. YOU’VE GOT THISSS, KENZIE!!!! :D I am so excited for you <3 Just entering is a big win, man.

    Plus, I adore EV with my entire heart. I'm biased toward it. I feel like a proud aunt (looking at you, Thao, my dear).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeaaaaaah. . . Not sure I’m going to be able to enter anymore, tbh. BUT. I’m still working on EV, and what I’m doing with it is making me excited, and that alone is enough to keep me pressing forward. It was a bit of a last-minute decision to do this, anyway, and I already knew it would be a stretch… So I’m just taking it day by day and seeing what happens. XD

      OH MY GOODNESS. <333 Ruby, you have no idea how much that means to me!!! Lol! Thao is quite….interesting. XD He's a handful, I'll tell you that. XD

      Liked by 1 person

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