CAMP NANOWRIMO CONTINUES!: Episode IV – Sam & Eugene

This episode of LET’S CHAT! is brought to you by Agatha Crispies! Start your little sleuth’s morning off right with Agatha Crispies–a breakfast they’ll never forget! (now available: Chocolate Agatha Crispies! Now with 50% less fat!)

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KENZIE: Good morning, Cyberspace, and welcome back to another episode of LET’S CHAT! Today I am joined by special guests Sam and Eugene as we continue our journey through Camp NanoWriMo! Sam, Eugene, thank you both so much for being here today.

SAM: Thanks for having me.

EUGENE: She was talking to both of us, you idiot.

SAM: *waves him off* Eh.

KENZIE: So, as you both might already know, you’re here to answer some of our viewer submitted questions. We’ve been sitting on these for over a year now, so hopefully you guys feel up to answering them with the utmost respect and civility.

EUGENE: If you were hoping for civility, I have no clue why you forced me to be interviewed alongside him. That was a very poor choice on your part.

SAM: The shirt you’re wearing was a poor choice on your part, old man.

EUGENE: Oh, for the love of–

KENZIE: QUESTIONS! Who wants some questions?

SAM: Oh, I have some questions, all right. . .

KENZIE: Eugene. Here’s one for you. Becky asks: “Do you guys all like how the outline is shaping up, or are some of you panicking?”

EUGENE: HA! That’s assuming we have an outline. Unfortunately for us, the author we were given doesn’t believe in outlining. She thinks she can just snap her fingers and have a beautiful story sprout from her fingers like a bouquet of posies.

KENZIE: *flipping cards hastily* Okay, maybe we should start off with another–

SAM: What’s that thing she calls herself again? A planter?

EUGENE: Plantser.

SAM: What does that even mean?

EUGENE: It’s a fancy way of saying she doesn’t like putting in the work it takes to make a decent story, I believe.

SAM: Ah. It’s all making sense now. . .

KENZIE: MOVING ON. *flings card over her shoulder angrily, her cheeks a rather unflattering shade of red* “What’s your favorite kind of bird?” Sam? You want to take this one?

SAM: Well, I know what kind of bird Eugene would choose.

EUGENE: So help me Samuel. . .

SAM: Pelicans, right? Those gobbly little buggers with the giant beaks? You’ve got an affinity for those birds, don’t ya? No clue why. Maybe it’s cause you look like ’em.

EUGENE: Oh, and what’s your favorite bird, pray tell? A bald eagle?

SAM: I know you are, but what am I?

KENZIE: Stop it, both of you! Can you please just get along for thirty minutes until the interview’s over? We’re on live television, for goodness’ sake. . .

SAM: Gee, sorry. I didn’t realize that, what with cameras staring holes through me like I’m some sort of Swiss cheese.

KENZIE: *heaving a deep, DEEP sigh, her teeth gritted tightly together* Next question. “Do you like zoos?” *muttering* There’s no way you can twist this one. . .

EUGENE: Well, considering the fact that Sam here looks like he belongs in one, I’m going to assume that’s a yes for him.

SAM: Says the one who looks like the rear end of a proboscis monkey.

KENZIE: All right, no more animal questions. *flips a stack of index cards behind her* Let’s switch gears. Christine asks: “What is your greatest fear?” Sam, we’ll start with you this time.

SAM: My greatest fear is gettin’ stuck with this idiot for the rest of my life. You’d think after putting up with him for so long, I’d catch some sort of a break, but wouldn’t you know it, he’s always there. Take this interview for example. I was told I–singular, mind you–was going to be asked some questions about our story. I get to the set, and what do I see? This ugly mug starin’ back at me from across the room. Now that’s what I call your worst nightmare realized.

EUGENE: Oh, for heaven’s sake, Sam, you knew I was going to be here today. They told us ahead of time.

SAM: Did not.

EUGENE: Did too, you just forgot.

SAM: I think I can remember what I forgot well enough on my own, thank you very much.

KENZIE: Eugene, do you have anything you would like to add to this question?

EUGENE: Oh, well, the list of my fears are rather short, unfortunately. I’m afraid I don’t really have anything to share.

SAM: He’s scared of pigeons.

EUGENE: *turning red* I am not!

SAM: Yeah, you are. What was it that you didn’t like again? Their feathers, or their beaks, or–

EUGENE: Their eyes! They’ve got bloody red eyes that pierce straight through to your very soul. I swear I was attacked by a flight of them when I was a boy. Trying to eat my face off, I tell you! It was the most frightening thing I’ve ever . . . but no. I’m not afraid of them anymore. It was a childish whim, that’s all.

SAM: He’s terrified of the things. Won’t go near a park with ’em in it.

EUGENE: Completely untrue.

SAM: Wets his pants like a baby every time someone so much as coos.

EUGENE: Someone please restrain me. I have a sudden urge to commit murder.

KENZIE: Okay, we’re moving on. This next one is also from Christine, which I feel segues very nicely from our previous question. And since you both seem so bent on answering for each other, I would like to continue on with that tradition and have you answer this one on the other’s behalf: Eugene, Sam . . . “What would you say is your greatest strength?”

SAM: . . .

EUGENE: . . .

KENZIE: Well? Do you need a moment to summarize your thoughts?

SAM: Oh, I’m gonna need a lot more than just a moment, hon. I’m gonna need a whole darn lifetime if you want me to find a strength for this flimsy twig, here.

EUGENE: We can definitely scratch wit off the list. . .

SAM: He’s got a good face for punching. Very soft on the knuckles.

EUGENE: How would you know? You couldn’t land a hit even if I ran straight into your fist.

SAM: You’re one to talk. I know for a fact my aim’s twice as good as yours.

EUGENE: Is not!

SAM: Is so. And I’m half blind.

EUGENE: Right then. And I suppose your strength would be being the biggest, most condescending toad in the history of the universe.

SAM: I’m not the one with the warts, old man.

EUGENE: Okay, that is IT– *launches himself across the couch, fists bared*

KENZIE: Boys!!! Calm yourselves, please!

EUGENE: Take that back, you lousy–!

SAM: GET AWAY FROM ME!

KENZIE: BOYS. DO NOT MAKE ME CALL SECURITY.

EUGENE: *flops back to his seat, his hair askew and his face an angry shade of red* I’m sorry, madame, but you cannot possibly ask me to act civil while in the presence of this complete and utter–

KENZIE: You’re supposed to be friends!

SAM: Oh, quite the contrary. *adjusts his tie casually* We’re sworn enemies. Have been since high-school.

KENZIE: But . . . but that’s not. . .

SAM: Seriously, woman, you should know this about your own characters by now, shouldn’t you? You’ve been writing us for–what?–a year?

EUGENE: I told Liam she wasn’t any good. This is what you get when you pick “random” on the author generator. Your idiotic idea, if I remember right.

SAM: It’s not like we were making any choices, otherwise. We would have been standing there all day had it not been for me, and I had a dentist appointment.

EUGENE: *dramatic eye-roll* That is exactly like you. Rush the biggest decision of our entire career for a dentist appointment. Good job, Sam.

SAM: Hey, cavities are not something to mess around with, buddy.

KENZIE: *sucks in a deep breath, her composure visibly hanging on by nothing more than a thread* Okay. We have one more question from our viewers, and then we’re cutting this off, okay? Okay.  Becky asks: “What’s your favorite fairytale?” And please–please–for the sake of my sanity, do not criticize each other on this one. Eugene, you go first.

EUGENE: Well, I’ve always been a fan of The Princess and The Frog. . .

SAM: *mutters* I wonder why. . .

KENZIE: *flings cards in the air* THAT’S IT.

KENZIE: *to the camera* Thank you all so much for joining us here today. Our next interview will take place at the end of the month, and it will contain the entire cast of SK–though judging by today’s interview, perhaps with a few modifications.

EUGENE & SAM: *high-fives quietly*

KENZIE: *stands up and throws microphone down as she walks off the stage* I’m done.

*click*

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TALK TO ME, PEASANTS!

And that’s interview #3 down! I’ve got one more planned, and it’s going to include ALL OF THE CHARACTERS (or at the very least, MOST of them) from SK, which–as you will shortly find out–has a brand new project title! *dances excitedly* I’ll be sharing more about my Camp NaNoWriMo progress and SK’s new title next week, so stay tuned for that! Until then, however, let’s chat!

• HOW IS YOUR CAMP NANOWRIMO GOING?? – tell me ALL OF THE THINGS!! about your projects and progress! I’d love to be your cheerleader this month!
• What do you think of Sam and Eugene? – I honestly feel like these two are the most difficult to handle at the moment. I also haven’t gotten any one-on-one time with them in the book, either, so this was an . . . enlightening first. XD
• Do you enjoy talking to your characters as if they’re real people? – I know Jem recently conducted some interviews over on her blog–and GUYS. Her interviews are like a thousand times better than mine. (she actually seems to know what she’s doing??? Jem, please teach me your ways. . . XD)–and I LOVED reading those. Talking to my characters like they’re actual human beings is one of my favorite things–it also garners some strange looks from people passing by, but it’s fine–so I’m just curious if other writers do this, as well. XD

and most important of all right now. . .

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I know I haven’t really touched on the topic of The Virus here on the blog, but it’s mostly because I’m trying to keep this section of the internet a place of peace and happiness. BUT. I know that the virus is affecting . . . well, literally everyone . . . so if there is ANYTHING I can be praying about for you or your family or whatever, definitely hit me up either in the comments or through email or DM’s on Twitter. This is a scary time we’re living through, and I want to be there for you like you guys have been there for me. So. Definitely do that.

And until next time. . .