good morning, cyberspace!
The end of April is nigh upon us, and I have–once again–gone the whole month without any sort of update on the going’s on of Camp NaNoWriMo. I would love to say that this is because I have been writing myself into oblivion, diving deep into the heart of the stories which I so proudly claimed I’d be working on this month until my well of creativity simply burst with all the excitement and inspiration of which drafting a goblin book should produce.
This, however, would be a lie. Like many people, I undergo ruts of creative dryness. It’s something I try very hard to push through, and, in doing so, usually tend to scrape myself so dry that the time needed to recover thus inflates dramatically. And I think, my dear peasants, that this is what happened last month.
And potentially the first four months of 2021. Lololololol.
It’s been a slow period for my writing so far. According to my writing tracker, I’ve written 40,336 words this whole year–which, looking at as one complete sum, doesn’t seem like a grand total one should turn their nose at. But behind those words have been truly painful moments of confusion, wondering if I’m really cut out for this whole thing, and swatting at the little voices inside of my head which tell me I should simply give up, shave my head bald, and become a goat herder in northern Italy.
(for reference: my google search history now has “does italy have goat herders” plastered to it, and I’m pretty sure my personal FBI agent is wondering if I’m okay. [answer: no, bob. i am not okay.])
But I find that no matter how many creative ruts I may go through–no matter how many times I may need to step away from the world and reevaluate what’s important in my life–it seems that I always come back to the same conclusion: this is what I want to be doing. Despite how many words I write in a month. Despite how many times I fall short. Despite how many experiments and events and ideas fall through the cracks, I am a writer, and it’s pushing through those dark days which prove it. Because if I didn’t love writing, if this wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing with my life, if this was just some passing phase for me, I wouldn’t keep coming back to it. I would have given up by now. I would simply disappear in a cloud of smoke and maniacal laughter and become a used car salesman.
And the fact that this has not yet happened is a testament to the fact that this–no matter how badly I failed Camp NaNoWrimo–is where I’m supposed to be.
And so, my friends, it is with mild shame and more than a few “I should have seen this coming”s that I tell you last month did not go accordingly to plan. And I realize that I technically had two plans for how April should have gone, but alas. Neither of these happened.
Oh, I tried to follow the plan, of course. I think we can agree that I always try. But like with many of my grand ideas, things happen, Life hits, and suddenly I’m swept off my feet down a swiftly moving river towards who even knows where, only to end up deposited right back at square one three weeks later.
And this is where I am today.
But I can’t say as though I’m horribly disappointed with my progress this past month. Sure, it isn’t anywhere near the 30k I had initially planned on, but I can’t say that the whole month was a total waste. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say that I’m pleased with the direction this Camp took, because it has led me to things far greater than a heavy word count ever could.
CAMP NANOWRIMO 2021 – THE RESULTS
i. the girl and the goblin king
As of the moment I’m writing this (April 26th, 11:06 AM, for anyone weird enough to wonder that), my current word count for Apirl is 12,994 words. This puts me 17,006 words away from my 30k goal, which is lowkey disappointing, not gonna lie. At this point, I would have to write about 4.2k every single day till the end of camp to catch up. And since I’ve just started to gently rekindle the spark of my creativity, I’m not even considering trying this. In life, there are some things we must simply give up on.
Today, I’m choosing to give up on Camp NaNoWriMo.
But not completely! I may not be able to hit my first goal of 30k, but 15k is looking preeeeeetty charming right about now. And since–as anyone who read my last post will know–I started rewriting this story right at the end of March, having 15k down during the first month of drafting is not something to sneeze at. (actually, please don’t sneeze at anything in today’s day and age.)
So my new, unofficial goal
since it’s too late to change my goal on the website for Camp NaNoWriMo is 15,000 words towards Project Goblin. I only have to write 2,006 words in four days in order to hit it, and if I somehow manage to mess this up before May, you have my permission to slap me in the face with a fish.
A rotting fish, specifically, as I find those are most suitable for proving a point.
ii. project sunset
i did absolutely nothing towards this goal for the entire month of April, and I have no shame since I am not quite ready to jump back into this story quite yet
The Girl and The Goblin King decided to take up all of my story brainpower this month, and while I’m disappointed that I couldn’t reenter the world of Shelby and Ed as quickly as I’d have liked, I’m extremely excited for the twists which TGaTGK has taken, and look forward to reading through my trash draft of Project Sunset in the future.
Also read as: ASDFGHJKL THIS MONTH WAS A MESS LOL
…April’s Camp NaNoWriMo wasn’t the 30-day creativity-filled writing retreat which I had planned on it being. Instead, it was a bumpy, messy, “holy guacamole, what’s happening” kind of time, and while I’m extraordinarily thankful for all that it has taught me and all the many things I’ve discovered along the way, I can’t shake the slight disappointment within me that says I should have–could have–done better.
And maybe you’re a bit like me. Maybe your April wasn’t quite what you’d expected, either. Maybe your plans were stacked so high that the weight of them crashing down nearly crushed you. But the truth is, if given the chance, I wouldn’t go back and change anything about the past month. Yes, it was chaotic. Yes, it was messy. Yes, I made wrong decisions and mistakes and should have chosen different paths than what I did at the time. But the fact remains that all those left turns and obstacles brought me to this moment right here, where I can honestly look you in the
webcam eye and say, “I wrote 13,000 words this month. I have 13,000 more words in my pockets than I did 26 days ago, and I am proud of those words, because I know I poured every bit of my heart and soul into them.” And while it isn’t 30k, it is 7 chapters of a novel which I’m excited to be writing. It is 13k that I didn’t write just because, but which I wrote with intention and passion.
So could I have done better? Maybe. But I know for a fact that what I did do is work that I’m proud of, and my wish is that, at the end of this crazy month, you can look at the work you’ve done–however big or small that may be–and say the same.
talk to me, peasants!
to all the ones who participated in NaNoWrimo: how did your month go? were you able to write all of the words, or did you, like me, learn valuable life lessons instead? XD
to those who didn’t participate in NaNo: what sorts of adventures–or non-adventures–did you get up to during the month of April? have you been reading good books? journeying to new places? discovering new hobbies?
Let’s talk about ALL OF THE THINGS! down in the comments below, and until next time…
*flings cookies in the air and disappears*