good morning, cyberspace!
So…. Hi again! It’s me,
Mario, returned from the dead! The past two weeks have been extremely taxing (emotionally, physically, mentally, ect.), but holy guacamole and cheddar is it good to be on the other side of them now. The last time I was on the blogosphere, I told y’all that I was starting a YouTube Channel! And so I did. It feels wonderful to actually have just done it after thinking about it for so long, especially when the fear of failure was so extreme.
And let me tell ya, folks. The imposter syndrome is real on the YouTube. I can tell you that much.
Buuuuuut, as with all things, I have quickly discovered a downside to this lovely thing called vlogging. Actually a few downsides. And today I’d like to talk about them! Because… well… I’ve decided that–right now–being a part of the YouTube community just doesn’t float my boat.
IN WHICH THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL LIVES AND DIES
i. talking to yourself is weird enough when you don’t have a camera aimed at your face
Look, I’m not a stranger of making a fool of myself. Trust me. I’m also not opposed to talking to myself when I’m stuck on a particularly vexing conundrum. Or when I’m lonely. Or bored. (I talk to myself a lot, okay) But the truth I discovered while creating my YouTube channel is that… I really do not enjoy setting up a camera and talking to myself for extended periods of time. I just… didn’t like it. I wasn’t enjoying the creation of it. I didn’t like the fact that there was no delete button on the words I was saying. I missed the act of writing things. There was something missing about the whole experience. And that, my friends, made me sad.
ii. editing a video is 10X more frustrating than editing a blog post (even with the WordPress editor)
I never thought I would find something more vexing to use than the WP editor, but alas! I was once more proven wrong by the technology gods. Editing a video is far worse than anything I’ve ever witnessed here on my blog. Yes, this editor can be a little slow and clunky at times, but watching my face say the exact same words over and over and over again was enough to give me not only a migraine, but some existential dread, as well. It was awful. 10/10 do NOT recommend. XD
iii. my “creative outlet” times typically happen in the wee early hours of the morning, or the final dregs of night before I fall asleep. which means my physical appearance is a little bit compromised.
Okay, OBVIOUSLY I know that “looking presentable” should be the least of my worries as a creative (hello messy buns and baggy sweaters!), but still. There’s always going to be a part of me that wants to put my best foot forward, and, unfortunately, my “best” appearance doesn’t typically happen when I’m in my pajamas.
iv. at the end of the day, I’m a writer.
Oh look! An obvious statement! Lol, but seriously. Something I have a TERRIBLE habit of doing is sidetracking myself from the things I love the most. Take, for instance, my love of writing. I adore writing. It is where I feel most myself. It’s how I express myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain to people that I talk better with my hands than my tongue. So the fact that I wanted to venture off into videography and derail my blog–which is literally WRITING–is… honestly not that surprising to me. But one video down and I already know that continuing down this rabbit hole will not only make me miserable, but will derail me from the thing I want to do the most… which is write good books for people to read.
I didn’t realize it until now, but talking to a camera is not how I want to express myself. Writing blog posts and poetry and making people laugh is how I want to express myself. And if I can do that here (and maybe on Instagram, mwahahahaha), then why try and fix something that isn’t broken?
At the end of the day, it took me one YouTube video to realize that this is not the path for me right now. I’m glad I tried it, obviously, because until I did I wouldn’t have known how
deeply I hated it er… how very wrong a path it was for little old me. XD But I’m also thankful for the fact that it brought me back to my roots! Yes, I want to have a way to document my writing journey. Yes, I love watching other writers vlog their adventures. But for me and my life, vlogging just ain’t where it’s at.
So for now, I’m going to focus solely on the writing. The things I love and want to continuously grow in. And for me, that means returning to the blog and–please please please–finding a posting schedule that actually works. I know it will be a struggle at first, but I believe that I can do it.
…I think. XD
talk to me, peasants!
do you have a habit of trying new things, only to find out they don’t exactly “fit” with your creative lifestyle? what are some of your favorite ways to document your writing journey? (okay, ngl, this one is primarily just for my own personal research) and most importantly, how do you find a writing/blogging routine/balance that works for you? (again. personal development, here. XD but seriously, I need the help. XD)
As always, let’s talk about ALL OF THE THINGS down in the comments below! And until next time…
* flings cookies in the air and disappears *
Oh wait! Before I go, to further prove that I DID give this a relatively fair shake, it is my greatest honor to present you with my first ever (and probably only) YouTube video! Please do enjoy it. It’s endangered.