In Which the YouTube Channel Lives and Dies

good morning, cyberspace!

So…. Hi again! It’s me, Mario, returned from the dead! The past two weeks have been extremely taxing (emotionally, physically, mentally, ect.), but holy guacamole and cheddar is it good to be on the other side of them now. The last time I was on the blogosphere, I told y’all that I was starting a YouTube Channel! And so I did. It feels wonderful to actually have just done it after thinking about it for so long, especially when the fear of failure was so extreme.

And let me tell ya, folks. The imposter syndrome is real on the YouTube. I can tell you that much.

Buuuuuut, as with all things, I have quickly discovered a downside to this lovely thing called vlogging. Actually a few downsides. And today I’d like to talk about them! Because… well… I’ve decided that–right now–being a part of the YouTube community just doesn’t float my boat.

>>> <<<


i. talking to yourself is weird enough when you don’t have a camera aimed at your face

Look, I’m not a stranger of making a fool of myself. Trust me. I’m also not opposed to talking to myself when I’m stuck on a particularly vexing conundrum. Or when I’m lonely. Or bored. (I talk to myself a lot, okay) But the truth I discovered while creating my YouTube channel is that… I really do not enjoy setting up a camera and talking to myself for extended periods of time. I just… didn’t like it. I wasn’t enjoying the creation of it. I didn’t like the fact that there was no delete button on the words I was saying. I missed the act of writing things. There was something missing about the whole experience. And that, my friends, made me sad.

ii. editing a video is 10X more frustrating than editing a blog post (even with the WordPress editor)

I never thought I would find something more vexing to use than the WP editor, but alas! I was once more proven wrong by the technology gods. Editing a video is far worse than anything I’ve ever witnessed here on my blog. Yes, this editor can be a little slow and clunky at times, but watching my face say the exact same words over and over and over again was enough to give me not only a migraine, but some existential dread, as well. It was awful. 10/10 do NOT recommend. XD

iii. my “creative outlet” times typically happen in the wee early hours of the morning, or the final dregs of night before I fall asleep. which means my physical appearance is a little bit compromised.

Okay, OBVIOUSLY I know that “looking presentable” should be the least of my worries as a creative (hello messy buns and baggy sweaters!), but still. There’s always going to be a part of me that wants to put my best foot forward, and, unfortunately, my “best” appearance doesn’t typically happen when I’m in my pajamas.

Here I Am Reaction GIF

iv. at the end of the day, I’m a writer.

Oh look! An obvious statement! Lol, but seriously. Something I have a TERRIBLE habit of doing is sidetracking myself from the things I love the most. Take, for instance, my love of writing. I adore writing. It is where I feel most myself. It’s how I express myself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain to people that I talk better with my hands than my tongue. So the fact that I wanted to venture off into videography and derail my blog–which is literally WRITING–is… honestly not that surprising to me. But one video down and I already know that continuing down this rabbit hole will not only make me miserable, but will derail me from the thing I want to do the most… which is write good books for people to read.

I didn’t realize it until now, but talking to a camera is not how I want to express myself. Writing blog posts and poetry and making people laugh is how I want to express myself. And if I can do that here (and maybe on Instagram, mwahahahaha), then why try and fix something that isn’t broken?

>>> <<<

At the end of the day, it took me one YouTube video to realize that this is not the path for me right now. I’m glad I tried it, obviously, because until I did I wouldn’t have known how deeply I hated it er… how very wrong a path it was for little old me. XD But I’m also thankful for the fact that it brought me back to my roots! Yes, I want to have a way to document my writing journey. Yes, I love watching other writers vlog their adventures. But for me and my life, vlogging just ain’t where it’s at.

So for now, I’m going to focus solely on the writing. The things I love and want to continuously grow in. And for me, that means returning to the blog and–please please please–finding a posting schedule that actually works. I know it will be a struggle at first, but I believe that I can do it.

…I think. XD

talk to me, peasants!

do you have a habit of trying new things, only to find out they don’t exactly “fit” with your creative lifestyle? what are some of your favorite ways to document your writing journey? (okay, ngl, this one is primarily just for my own personal research) and most importantly, how do you find a writing/blogging routine/balance that works for you? (again. personal development, here. XD but seriously, I need the help. XD)

As always, let’s talk about ALL OF THE THINGS down in the comments below! And until next time…

* flings cookies in the air and disappears *


Oh wait! Before I go, to further prove that I DID give this a relatively fair shake, it is my greatest honor to present you with my first ever (and probably only) YouTube video! Please do enjoy it. It’s endangered.


10 thoughts on “In Which the YouTube Channel Lives and Dies

  1. Kenzie!! *hugs* I feel like it’s been forever since I commented on your blog??? It’s so good to hear from you!!!

    And, um, I LOVE your YouTube video!!!! You have such a warm, fun stage presence (is it called stage presence when there is no stage?? 🤔🤔🤔), so, if you ever wanted to randomly pop in with a new video…that would be cool, even though it’s not gonna be a regular thing.

    WHICH, by the way, I SO respect your reasons for. Especially #4. It’s one of the sad truths one slowly discovers as an adult, that just because all the other kids are off doing cool-kid stuff, it’s not necessarily a good idea for you to do it too. You have your own path. Your own gifts, your own desires, your own talents, your own STYLE. And you only have so much time, so you’ve got to spend it in the best way FOR YOU. (This is why I haven’t done YouTube or any other social media, myself: blogging may not be the popular blogger platform anymore, but it’s the kind that makes me comfortable, that gives me joy, because I’m a WRITER. Ya know?)

    Anyway, I’m so happy you’re gonna blog still, because I’m in love with your writing voice, and your blog posts infallibly bring sunshine into my day, and from the reader’s end there’s also something special about greedily reading someone’s words that they have crafted for that very purpose!

    I am not the person to take advice from, because my blogging schedule is literally “blog whenever the heck I feel like it and sometimes go two months without posting,” but since you asked, I get up in the morning to write my stories, and try not to let myself do anything else instead (like, looking at my phone before it’s time to leave for work = very bad idea 😂😂😭), and then in the evening I do whatever I feel like. If I’m not feeling my novel, I do blog stuff. I also keep notes on my phone so whenever I have a snatch of time I write down blog post ideas or brainstorm lists or write snatches of posts – and thus I keep myself supplied with content.

    And if I get behind on writing or participating in events or doing tags or commenting on other people’s blogs…I frankly just ignore it and start fresh. That way I don’t stress myself out unduly or make something that’s supposed to be fun into a burden. I also don’t pressure myself to make my posts long (or short) or “well-written,” since that can be paralyzing; I just have fun with them. But that’s just me – I’m not really interested in my blog being professional, and obviously for someone who was it’d be a bit different.

    Regardless! I’m happy to hear of your brief YouTube adventures, happy to see your face, and so very VERY excited to see where you and your blog go!! <3

    Liked by 1 person

    • Goodness gracious, it really has been forever! I’ve been so busy with all manners of life-ish-ness that it’s been far too long since I’ve been back! (but it feels SO good to be here again!)

      Oh my!!! Sarah!!! you have NO clue how much that means to me! Like it just felt so awkward talking to myself, not really knowing what I was doing… Knowing that someone enjoyed it makes my heart so happy! (and the panic-nervous-anxiousness not so extreme, lol!)

      UGH YES!! This exactly!!! And that’s what I’m beginning to realize about blogging. It makes my writer heart happy, and it’s where I’ve found connection with so many other writers? And I just never ever want to lose that.

      Oh. Oh my. Sarah, I legit am in LOVE with your writing advice. Like seriously, 1000% this was the kind of thing I needed to hear. Personally, the most difficult thing for me is responding to comments, and I legit do not know why? Like it’s also one of my FAVORITE things, but for whatever reason, sometimes I just get so paralyzed by it. Literally cannot explain it. BUT. Starting fresh once you fall behind sounds like the loveliest of things, and I…definitely think I’m going to start trying this…

      Thank you SO much for this lovely comment and all of the advice!!! (also love the fact that you schedule your day out in blocks between writing, work, and then the OTHER side of writing, such as blogging or continuing to work on your novel. Love love love that!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t finished the whole video yet, but it’s great so far! I totally get all your points about why Youtube wasn’t for you, though, especially the part about not wanting to edit videos. I think having to edit a video would actually terrify me. I am technology-phobic.

    I try out new things that I then realize aren’t for me ALL the time. (I WILL get back to my embroidery someday. It is NOT an abandoned project, I promise! (It’s very much an abandoned project. For now! Not forever!)) It’s kind of part of the territory with ADHD, I think–so many things to potentially hyperfixate on, so little time–but I also think it just comes with being a creative person. I don’t regret any of the new hobbies I’ve tried, though, even when I abandon them! (I…do kind of regret when I spend money on hobbies and then abandon them, though.) The hobbies were really fun to try out, even if I didn’t always stick with them for very long, and I know there might always come a time when I get back into them.

    I really like to blog about my writing, but I think my favorite way of sharing my writing journey might actually be writing to my sister about my stories. I talk to her what’s going on in them and my plans for what’s going to happen, and send her my stories (seriously, who else is kind enough to read your UNEDITED stories except for your sister), and she gives me advice and helps me to come up with ideas. It’s great.


    • Oh goodness, the editing was AWFUL. XD Like legit I think maybe I could get better at it if I truly put my all into it, but… personally I prefer editing words on a page. XD

      OH MY GOODNESS, YES. XD Hyperfixation is a THING, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. XD I absolutely have the same problem with starting (and spending far too much money on…aha. XD) random new hobbies, but I wholeheartedly agree: I don’t regret trying new things, either! It just helps us experience the world a little bit more, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Macrame and watercolor were two hobbies that I’ve picked up which–while I don’t do them DAILY–I still return to them every now and again and enjoy them immensely! And I wouldn’t change having them for the world!

      Oh my word! You and your sister’s relationship is absolute perfection! I think talking to my family about my stories is one of my favorite things, as well, though I tend to ramble confusedly when talking about it, so putting my thoughts down on paper first definitely helps me out a ton! XD I love the fact that your sister is essentially the ultimate brainstorm buddy. Like legit, that’s a relationship to cherish.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Awww, Kenzie, I’m so proud of you!!! Trying things and knowing when they’re not for you and choosing to not commit yourself to something that doesn’t bring you true joy is SUCH an important thing. I’m terrible about committing to stuff and going through the motions and feeling like I have to stick with it even when I really don’t have to at all and it’s wasting my limited time and creative energy. That is…not a good thing, and something I’ve been working on to do better with. So this whole thing really inspires me and I so admire you for not pushing yourself into something you don’t like.

    I ALSO 100% agree that we SHOULD try new things though, because yes, how will we know if we love it or hate it unless we try? Again, something I fail at. I’m so, so hesitant at attempting new endeavors but, um, I don’t have to stick with them if I don’t like them??? AND sometimes the things I was hesitant to try but did ended up being HUGE blessings. So we should never be afraid to try new things, but never force ourselves to stick with something we hate. And I feel like I’m repeating myself over and over, but this whole thing rung so hard with me! <3

    Also. The couple of times I tried video editing I hated it with every fiber in my entire being so I feel you. I feel you so, so hard. Ugh. Video editing is nooot for me.

    ANYWAYS. I'm so very proud of you for giving it a try but realizing it's not your thing and not holding yourself to it. Although I did watch your video and absolutely ADORED it. You make me smile so big every single time!!! <333 (And ALL the kudos to you for managing to think up 3 favorite books, authors, and characters. Like. How can one possibly choose???) But I also absolutely love your blog and am always ecstatic to see new posts. So whatever avenues you take, I am happily along for the ride! :D


    • Yes!! To all of this! I absolutely adore trying new things and testing the waters, but the perfectionist side of me is like “Well, we made it this far. Might as well STICK WITH IT, RIGHT?!” But honestly, that’s such a stressful way to live. I’d much rather experiment and live in the freedom of it!

      OH MY GOODNESS YES!!! Another person who hates video editing! Girl, I just can’t seem to figure out how to do it right. XD Some people seem so creative and genius with their video edits, and I’m just like….I can’t figure this out. XD Granted, I’m probably going to try and get good at it at SOME point, but like…today is not that day. XD

      MEEP! Thank you SO much, Christine!! Honestly, your support means the literal world to me. AND EEP! I’m so so happy you enjoyed my weird little video!!! That makes my heart SO happy!


  4. Oh my gosh! Time to outline my comment because I have so much to say that my comment could quickly become disoriented.

    1. Gah, yes, I want somebody to talk to if I’m staring blandly at a camera. Usually I just mumble to myself but ack vlogging must not be my thing because it is aggravating speaking to myself and having to make up conversation. I strongly agree.

    2. Editing, ack! I agree with you that editing is the absolute worst. I mean, it was sort of fun, but only for the first 5 seconds. And then it was fun while I was playing one of my videos in reverse, but that hardly helped with the editing. >_<

    3. Hats! (No context given.)

    4. Oh my gosh I totally get the embarrassed intros, they take a while to get used to. I have had mild experience with recording videos and it's always the same unsure and slightly embarrassed intro at the beginning. XD

    5. "And I will see you in the next video" awwww, too bad it will be void for… however long it takes. :(

    That's about it for my disciplined comment. Thanks so much for being here!


    Liked by 1 person

    • LOL! I totally totally understand that! XD

      Oh goodness gracious, I totally understand that! It’s such an awkward experience not actually talking to someone? I just…don’t like it? XD Buuuut I’m still thankful I tried it, even if it isn’t for me!

      Okay, but playing a video in reverse? 10/10 want to try that now. XD I definitely get way too caught up in all the special effects…and yet really don’t know how to use them. So…yeah. XD


      MEEP! Thank you so much for watching!! It was awkward and fun and maaaaaaybe I shall return to the video world someday. Maybe. Probably not. XD


  5. Welcome back from the dead!!!!!
    Doing videos is HARD (I remember several years (ok like….near 8 eight years ago..geeze) I tried to do a “video” series and it died so fast.) and sometimes you just DON’T KNOW till you try it. And editing videos!!! It is a seriously hard thing, and very, very time consuming.

    So…I used to be a on a really good blogging schedule (till like last summer) BUT, the one thing I will say is helpful is to find a time of day/day of the week that you have consistently available time to write a blog…which can be hard if you have a constantly changing schedule. Oh! Planning blog posts topics for the month can come in handy too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh goodness yes! Why do we have such a hard time doing it? That’s what I’d like to know! I really wanted it to be something that I could get into and love, but honestly…? Definitely definitely not my cup of tea. You can’t listen to music while doing it. You can’t wear whatever clothes you want and look like a mess. XD Honestly don’t see the appeal anymore. XD

      OH OH. Excuse me while I jot all these down! Thank you SO much, Bernadette! I really appreciate the feedback! Planning blog posts is something that I’d love to get better at, so I’m definitely gonna give it a whirl! I think the main problem is my schedule is *constantly* shifting. And even when I think I know what it’s going to look like, then it shifts again. But I think I can probably find time every Sunday evening? *glances nervously at calendar*


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