voting for the 2020 silmaril awards is NOW CLOSED! (technically it’s been over for a few days, but LOL OOPS. add that to the list of things I’ve forgotten to fix…) ahem. anyway. thank you so much to everyone who voted! you guys are the best! <3
good morning, cyberspace!
And welcome back to the 2020 Silmaril Awards center for Most Nefarious Villain! Last week we opened up nominations for you guys to vote in your most favoritest, most vile fantasy villains of all time, but tonight … well, tonight we get to reveal which five made it into the final voting round!
Now, as this is my first time hosting/participating in the Silmaril Awards (hello, yes, I’m a newb), I had absolutely no clue what to expect during nominations week. I definitely did not expect it to fly by at the speed of a pixie wing, and I most definitely did not expect to receive over 60 villain nominations over the course of five days–all of which are now lounging about in my living room watching the extended editions of Lord of The Rings and monologuing about their tragic backstories. This is the most traffic I’ve ever had on my smol little blog, and–not gonna lie–it’s kinda freaking me out. But it’s not freaking me out near as much as the fact that Captain Hook used his hook as a skewer for last night’s shish kebobs, so I digress.
This past week I’ve had villain after villain flock to my door looking for solace, comfort, and the desire to return home with a beautiful Silmaril which they can then flaunt in their arch rival’s face. It’s been a beautiful, chaotic time, and though I’m sad to see so many of them go, I do believe having so many villains trapped beneath my roof is starting to affect me…
*adjusts collar of my billowing scarlet cape nervously*
But anyway. Let’s get on to the finalists, shall we?
THE 2020 SILMARIL AWARDS: MOST NEFARIOUS VILLAIN FINALISTS
KENZIE: Ahem. *clears throat and taps microphone nervously* Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cookies and crumblings, welcome one and all to the 2020 Silmaril Awards finalists panel! We have only the best of the best in the line of villainy lined up for you all today, so please make sure to keep all children, small pets, short friends, and screaming fangirls secured before we continue.
*sounds of restraint rifle through the crowd,
Thank you. Now that that’s all settled, we can officially get onto the nominations!
Our first nominee, is none other than…
Lord Whitlock from Beaumont and Beasley by Kyle Robert Shultz
Lord Whitlock–a tall, powerfully built grey-haired fellow in his fifty-somethings–is what we can only describe as the prime example of the perfectly dressed, perfectly megalomaniacal villain. (whether or not he will murder you for the sake of his own end is highly debatable. [actually, that’s a lie. he will definitely murder you. oops.]) Often found in a suit and tie like the gentleman that he totally is, Lord Whitlock is grudge-holding, rune-wielding enchanter who enjoys destroying things just for the fun of it.
…..*w hispers* I think I just found the magical counterpart of my boy Moriarty, guys….
KENZIE: AHEM. *resists the urge to fangirl* Let’s bring out our boy, shall we? Come out, come out, wherever you are, Lord Whitlock!
A tall, shadowy figure lumbers out onto the platform, his fingers carefully adjusting his perfectly positioned tie with the utmost care.
KENZIE: Ah! There he is! Please take a seat, good sir. *waves nonchalantly towards the interviewing couch, which is a staple here at the LET’S CHAT! studios* The others will be joining us shortly.
LORD WHITLOCK: *sinks rather uncertainly onto the shabby, worn couch, his eyes full of suspicion and perhaps the distaste at having found himself in such a dismally inexperienced blogger’s company* Others?
KENZIE: Oh, yes! Five of you were invited here today, don’t you know? In fact… *flips notecards carefully, squinting down at her own scribbled handwriting which, unfortunately, no longer resembles anything from the English language* Aha, here we are. I do believe you’ll recognize a few of them from last year’s Silmaril Awards!
LORD WHITLOCK: *with apparent disgust* Oh no… Please don’t tell me–
KENZIE: *tosses index card over her shoulder gleefully* Let’s bring out our next contestant, shall we? This one actually has a similar title to you, Locky!
LORD WHITLOCK: Do not call me that.
KENZIE: VOLDEMORT! GET OUT HERE!
Lord Voldemort from The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling
Lord Voldemort–a.k.a. He Who Must Not Be Named–is essentially the most powerful wizard within the Harry Potter universe. However, most fans often are of the opinion that he is far less disturbing than his cat-loving counterpart, Dolores Umbridge, who has unfortunately been beaten out yet again by the honorable Dark Lord. (it is said that when the news was broken to her, she smashed no less than three of her highly esteemed cat plates)
Voldemort can most often be found drinking unicorn blood in the Forbidden Forest late in the evening, terrorizing small children on Halloween night, and burning down local candle shops. (the reason for which he will not claim, but I think we can all make a solid guess.)
At Kenzie’s summons, the Dark Lord apparates onto the platform, his dark robes billowing about his serpentine figure. His slitted eyes burn into the audience, which seems to quiet down, simultaneously sucking in a bated breath.
Someone near the back of the audience breaks the silence.
“OI, VOLDY! YOU STINK!”
“Shut up, Ronald!”
KENZIE: *hastily flipping her cards whilst Voldemort spins towards the voices, his, long, bony fingers tightening against his Yew wand* Ahem! Come on over and take a seat beside dear Mr. Whitlock, your Dark Lordiness!
VOLDEMORT: *sneering at the sight of Lord Whitlock* I would rather not…
KENZIE: Oh, come now! We’re all friends here!
Two piercing scowls cut through Kenzie, and she plasters a grin to her face and moves on hastily.
KENZIE: Okay, then! Next contestant!
The Nameless Evil Named Gnag The Nameless from The Wingfeather Saga by Andrew Peterson
The Nameless Evil Named Gnag The Nameless is the resident villain of the beloved Wingfeather Saga (a series our esteemed host has yet to read and is severely regretting in this moment.) The leader of the terrible, nasty fangs, Gnag The Nameless enjoys destroying whole kingdoms in his free time and exacting his revenge on all who ever wronged him.
At the mention of his name, Gnag appears on the stage, the hems of his robe whispering against the smooth floor. The sound of hooves clicking beneath him follows him all the way to the couch, where he nestles himself a little too closely beside Lord Whitlock.
Lord Whitlock curls his lip in disgust and fidgets closer to the armrest, which does very little in the way of putting distance between himself and Gnag.
VOLDEMORT: What a disgusting creature…
Gnag’s white eyes swivel towards Voldemort.
GNAG: *sneering* Have you looked in a mirror, recently?
KENZIE: *hastily flips her cards before Voldemort can Avada Kedavra the nameless evil named Gnag* All righty, then, moving on! Our next contestant is yet another runner up from last year. Will this be the year he finally wins the coveted Silmaril Award?
Brother from Deadwood by Kyle Robert Shultz
Quite possibly the most terrifying villain here, Brother is the soulless creation of none other than alchemist Nicolai Gepetto. Gepetto’s goal was to create a form of life through magic, but soon rejected his child creation and sent Brother–also known as Pinocchio, though he despises the name–down the raging path of madness. Disliking the puppet body he had once inhabited, Brother has since transcended into a being of pure thought and now enjoys turning living creatures into his own personal puppets, possessing human bodies, and manipulating any form of wood he can find.
KENZIE: All right, Brother! You can come out now!
BROTHER: I’m already here, you blind old bat!
Kenzie jumps as the taunting jeer leaks out of the cards in her hands, and she flings them halfway across the room with a startled shriek.
BROTHER: HEY! *the voice splits into an echo as the cards separate against the smooth floor* Don’t drop me! Precious cargo, here!
Gnag hisses as two of the cards flitter towards his feet. Voldemort’s face contorts into horror at the talking cards, and he flicks his wand into the air with a deafening cry.
VOLDEMORT: AVADA KEDAVRA!
Beams of green light shoot from the tip of Voldemort’s wand, obliterating the cards.
BROTHER: Gee, great idea there, big guy. Killing an index card. Remind me to vote you in for Most Nefarious Villain. You deserve it.
Brother’s voice now seeps out from Voldemort’s wand, and Voldemort hisses, tossing the offending stick of wood out into the now screaming crowd. Sparks fling out of the wand, catching a man’s coat on fire in the front row.
As the stand-by fire squad rushes down through the crowd to put out the sparking inferno amidst Brother’s cackling, Kenzie hastily tries to compose herself.
KENZIE: Ahem. Yes. Well, I believe we have one last finalist who–
???: –needs no introduction, my dear.
Captain Hook from Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie
Captain Hook–known to some in Neverland as a codfish–is the one-handed villain in J.M. Barrie’s well-loved fairytale, Peter Pan. Frequently outwitted by a young boy who refuses to grow up, it is quite a shock that he has made it this far within the Silmaril Awards. However, seeing as though he is continuously hunted down by a hungry crocodile–of whom it is rumored to have eaten Hook’s missing hand–it is probably a good idea that he tries to win this award as quickly as possible.
KENZIE: *relieved to see that at least one of the villains seems relatively excited to be here* Ah! Captain Hook! Nice to see you’ve joined us.
CAPTAIN HOOK: Oh, I wouldn’t miss this opportunity for the world, love. Mr. Smee has been flaunting that ridiculous rock of his for the past three years. Not to mention that awful boy receiving another one a year later… It was only a matter of time before I was recognized for my excellence. This comes as no surprise to me, surely.
KENZIE: Um … you are aware that you haven’t actually won the award yet, right?
HOOK: ‘Yet’ being the operative word, my dear.
KENZIE: Uh … right. Well, then. I suppose now that everyone is here, we can get to the voting!
The screaming from the crowd intensifies as the flames grow stronger, and more of the waiting fire crew speeds down through the crowd, trying to evacuate everyone before the inferno can spread.
KENZIE: Thank you all so much for joining us today! Your votes can be cast until September 11th, so make sure to get your votes in for each category before then! And if you haven’t already, make sure to hop around to each of the host blogs to check out the Top 5 in each category!
Brother’s maniacal laughter erupts from the still panicking crowd, and Voldemort disapparates in a fury of black robes.
“Everyone, stay calm please!” one of the fire squad shouts amid the fray.
No one stays calm.
KENZIE: Each of the links will be available at the exit, as well as the voting form. As always, until next time…
KENZIE: *flings cookies in the air and disappears*
time to vote, peasants!
Now it’s time to cast your votes! Who will you pick to win the coveted Silmaril Award?
CAST YOUR VOTE NOW!
And don’t forget to check out the other hosting blogs! These people–unlike me–are actually professionals, and therefore know what they are doing. XD
Thanks for holding out through all of this insanity, my friends! I cannot WAIT to see which of our delightful villains wins this year’s Silmaril!