All The Many Things I Have Learned From Preschoolers

good morning, cyberspace!

Today’s post is a little bit shorter than usual, folks. In fact, I have a feeling that a lot of my near-future posts are going to be slightly shorter than usual, which, if I’m being honest, is kind of depressing. I thought that once July ended, my proverbial plate would get a little lighter, but due to some very idiotic decisions* and a thirst for storytelling**, this has not come to pass.

However, because I am nothing if not a DO ALL OF THE THINGS! kind of peasant, I have decided that even though it would be remarkably nice to go on a Hiatus during the month of August, I am not going to.

In fact, I completely and irrevocably refuse to. Because I just got off an? Hiatus. Obviously.

So while all my posts in the near-future might be looking a little less than (and possibly a little late ahahahahahahaha….hahaha…ha [blame my siblings, folks. they coerced me into playing Hello Neighbor yesterday. they’re evil. {jk. i love you, butts}]), I am still going to continue blogging through this slightly stressful time. I’m not going to promise that I’ll have a post out every week, because quite frankly, I’m not sure if that is going to happen. But I can promise that there will be a post at least every two weeks. I’ll shoot for every, but if all else fails. . .at least you’ll know I’ll be coming ’round the mountain eventually, amiright?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. HA.

. . .

Now let’s move on to the actual meat of this post.

*more details on this are coming soon

**please see above.

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This past month I was a volunteer at my church for the delightful program known as VBS. Now, for those of you who don’t know what VBS — or Vacation Bible School — is, allow me to explain.

Basically, it’s exactly what the name implies. VBS is a week-long program where tiny smol children of all ages (typically Pre-K through 6th grade) can come to church to have fun, make friends, play games, sing songs, and ultimately, learn all about God and His love for them.

VBS is crazy. VBS is fun. VBS lasts only five days, but at the end of it, you feel as though all your strength has completely faded and you are nothing but a limp vegetable silently crying on your way home because it’s over. It’s finally, actually over. . .!

And I absolutely love every single minute of it.

It fills me with so much joy to see all these tiny children learning about and worshiping God, and though my summer this year was already pretty jam-packed with a bunch of oddball things that are useless to mention. . .I just knew that I had to do VBS, as well.

I could not NOT do VBS.

VBS IS LIFE, PEASANTS!

So when I got a call (i was slurping a delicious milkshake at the time. i was rather hyper. #sorrychurchlady) asking whether or not I was willing to volunteer this year, I jumped on board without even a second thought.

Because VBS. Obviously.

And then, when she asked me whether I preferred working with the older kids, or the little tiny ones, I said the little tiny ones. Because they make me laugh. And they are adorable.

And I thought she was going to put me in kindergarten. LOLOLOLOLOLOL #fail

I’ve helped out with kindergarten before. I am accustomed to the ways of kindergartners. I was prepared for the terror that is kindergarten.

I was not in any way, shape, or form prepared for preschool.

So when I got my folder a couple weeks later with a big ol’ “McKenzie, Preschool Leader” stamped across the top, I was simultaneously terrified and excited and slightly upset because they neVER EVER EVER GET MY NAME RIGHT ARGGGGGH!. On the one hand, I absolutely adore tiny kids. They are just so bright and innocent and adorable, and I am totally a terrible influence on them. (*insert random remark about severed arms here*)

But on the other hand. . .CHILDREN KIND OF DEFINITELY FREAK ME OUT, OKAY?

So it’s totally safe to assume that I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I walked in through those church doors that fateful July evening. I wasn’t sure what preschoolers were even like.

Were they friendly? Were they mean? Would they appreciate the fact that I spent two entIRE WEEKS of my crazy busy life knitting toy octopi and sewing 193 buttons onto sixteen tentacles because the theme for VBS was ShipWrecked and I am way too much of an overachiever? (my fingers. they burned. . .)

Meet Wonky And Doodle, everybody!!!! Aren’t they adorable? AREN’T THEY SMOL????? I am so proud of these little suckers. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! DO YOU GET IT??? DO YOU GET IT??????? (Also a super duper special thanks to my mom, who basically ruined the tip of her thumb from winding all those stupid wire curls to shove up into the tentacles. Sorry, Mom. . .)

Would they hate me right off the bat, or would I find myself surrounded by tiny little friends at the end of the night?????

All these thoughts and more were but a few of the swirling terrors that plagued my mind meats in the awkward half hour before VBS began, but as fate would have it, they were all for naught. For when I finally got the chance to meet my tiny, wide-eyed group of yellow-clad pre-k’s, I quickly realized just how very blind to the ways of children I had been.

Throughout the course of those five long nights, I was able to learn so many things from those precious, hoppy little humans. And now, with a heart full of joy and a much wiser outlook on life, it is my greatest honor to be able to share these life lessons with you today. . .

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• Bright yellow dangly earrings are fascinatingly intriguing, and must be stared at for at least a full minute in order to appreciate their glorious beauty.
• Fishies are delicious
• chainsaws = tree cutters
• I am a girl.
• If you do not want to wear the bright yellow t-shirt (pre-k’s crew color) that your mother put over your pretty dress anymore, it is perfectly acceptable to say “I don’t want to wear this”, and try to rip it off in the middle of the sanctuary whilst the youth pastor is trying to teach.
• The hymnals and bibles located beneath the sanctuary pews are fun to play with — preferably when we are supposed to be paying attention to what Pastor is trying to say.
• prayer time = spontaneous peek-a-boo sessions
• Dummy worms are both fun to wiggle around and also yummy to eat. (that was not a typo)
• It’s okay to not wash your hands if you can’t reach the faucet, because they always take the stool out of the bathroom in the winter (VBS takes place in the middle of summer)
• My name is Penenzi.
• and also Miss Kenzie
• and also Meanie (i’m hoping this was not an insult ????)
• poky hat = Jesus’ crown of thorns
• If “grandma says” you should go up onto the stage to get a toy, then you should obviously get to go up on the stage to get a toy. Because “grandma said” so.
• The picture of Jesus hanging from the cross is sad because the bird sitting on top of the cross looks like a sad bird.
• BUBBBBBBLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!
• I am headface.
• If your spot on the bench during storytime is too small, then it is absolutely impossible to sit there. . .even if you are currently sitting on the spot that is allegedly too small.
• WONKYDOODLE WONKYDOODLE WONKYDOODLE! (aha. . .#badinfluence [*please see above picture*])
• The poster with every single book of the Bible on it is inaccurate because Noah is missing.
• GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!
• stems = gems (. . .or tentacles? i still haven’t figured this one out. . .)
• The girl across the aisle had braids in her hair yesterday. This is very important.
• If your leader is supposed to be helping three other kids BESIDES YOU with a very difficult craft (morse code bracelets. with preschoolers. are you kidding me right now.), then you should totally demand that they help you with every single bead. Because we want to finish the race first, obviously.
• The need to use the potty is about as contagious as the common cold.
• If someone has, say, braided tentacles dangling from their head, it is perfectly acceptable to

  

  WE TURNED MY HAIR INTO AN OCTOPUS FOR CRAZY HAIR NIGHT!!!! And then promptly did it again two days later because why not. (also you can probably guess by now that I became awkwardly obsessed with octopi during this year’s VBS. I still have no idea why.)

  grab and tug on them when the person who’s hair you’re yanking on is not looking. Because maybe they won’t know. Maybe.

• Sitting still in the church pew while we’re supposed to be paying attention is boring. It is much more fun to slide towards the floor and get your foot caught in the bible-holder located beneath the bench, instead.
• I am officially invited to a preschooler’s house so that I can eat snacks and drink juice and take the top bunk because my sister took mine.
• Asking to get soaked with a wet sponge during game time is all fine and dandy until your leader actually takes you over to get wet. Then you may sit there with tears in your eyes and look like someone just kicked you in the face. Because you didn’t want to get wet. Obviously.
• If someone is raising their hand, you should probably be raising yours, too.
• When someone you don’t know very well (meaning the leader you met two hours ago. after three hours you can be best friends.) asks you a question, it’s best to just stare at them awkwardly with huge, saucer-like eyes. Perhaps they will go away and leave you to admire your frosting-covered hands in peace.

. . .and above all else, the most important lesson I learned during VBS. . .

• Preschoolers are smol, innocent, ornery little beans full of light and laughter and hugs. They are adorable. They are sweet. They will take hold of your heart and never ever ever let go, and the hardest possible thing you will ever have to do is say goodbye.

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TALK TO ME, PEASANTS!

And that is all I’ve got for today, folks! I absolutely LOVED getting to work with the preschoolers at VBS this year, and though I’m not entirely sure I would do it again (i don’t think i could take having different kids? that would just be so sad and weird. . .). . .I’m still extremely glad I did it. This exceedingly enlightening experience has only further solidified my belief that children are so much better than adults. There’s absolutely nothing bad or malicious or angry about them. All they want in life is to play and have fun and eat snacks, and to be honest, that is exactly the same mindset I have.

Which I guess only proves the fact that I am literally three years old. Aha.

BUT ANYWAY! That’s enough about me for one day. Let’s talk about you!

Have you ever helped out with VBS before? If so, what’s your favorite age group to help out with? What’s your LEAST favorite group to help out with? (I haven’t found one yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it would be sixth grade. . . *shudders*) Have you ever learned any lessons from smol children before? Do you enjoy eating dummy worms? Are you a headface? Because apparently I am. . .? Have you ever discovered, after eighteen years of existing, that you are, in fact, a girl? (my mind, guys. it exploded.) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY CRAZY HAIR??? And most importantly, above all else. . .

WONKYDOODLE WONKYDOODLE WONKYDOODLE!!!!

As always, until next time. . .

*flings cookies in the air and disappears*

 

P.S. I am so extremely sorry that this week’s post is a day late. If you must blame someone, please blame my siblings. As I mentioned earlier, they *coughforcedcough* me to play Hello, Neighbor with them yesterday, which left very little time for finishing a blog post. I totally tried to tell them that my blog is much more important than quality time with siblings, but you know how siblings are. They just never listen. Aha. *runs off to go beg siblings to play more Hello, Neighbor*