Posted in Writer's Life, Writing

Five Questionably Weird Things About Being A Writer (that you’ve probably heard before)

Good morning, Cyberspace!

As this is the very first post for Smudged Thoughts, I thought it would be best to give you guys a little bit of a window into how strange I–and all other writers out there–truly am.  Because we all know that when it comes to being a writer, there are numerous amounts of rather bizarre things that we do–things that would throw most people into an asylum or a slammer, depending. Yet as writers, we are able to pass these things off as normality (and we do it quite frequently, mind you), with just one, simple little phrase:

“I’m a writer.”

So without further ado, here are the

Five Questionably Weird Things About Being a Writer (that you’ve probably heard before)

One: Bizarre (and sometimes lethal) Search Histories

You’ve heard it time and time again. One of the most awkward (and also fun, if we’re being totally honest, here, guys) things about being a writer is doing research for a story. Especially if said project involves murder, torture, poison, stab wounds (fun!!!), etc. If someone were to rifle through a writer’s search history, they’d probably begin to wonder about their mental health. And also begin to wonder whether they were a psychotic serial killer, which, let’s be honest, most of us could probably pull off with ease. (But not me, obviously.)

 Example Time!

Recently, for my short story, Gretel*, I had to do some mild research on whether or not a human body could comfortably be thrown or shoved into an oven. Totally normal thing to research, I assure you. However, there are some pages on the internet even I dare not venture into. One of them being…

20160910_124748_resized

I’m nearly 82.3% positive that that page would give my laptop a virus.

*You can read Gretel on Wattpad here, or find it over in the sidebar!!! (You know…if you want…)

Two: Stalking People (don’t even deny it)

Because research. Honestly, how are we supposed to write realistic, relatable characters if we don’t analyze your each and every move? How are we supposed to come up with witty dialogue without stealing all of yours? You are perfect story material. You are the chosen. So don’t get freaked out by that quiet, sort of creepy person following you around with a notebook and a pen, scribbling down every little thing you do. Feel honored. It is a privilege.

But also beware. Because one wrong move and–

You die. Well, your character will. And odds are it will not be a pleasant experience. (The search history, friend. The search history.)

Three: Murdering People (see #2 #1)

Okay, okay, calm down, I’m not talking about real people, here. (Or am I, mwahahahaha?)

No, but seriously, writers have a tendency to brutally murder kill off characters when writing, whether it is to advance the plot, evoke certain emotions in other characters, crush the reader’s soul, etc. Having to kill so many innocent creatures that do not physically exist in this realm has turned the writer species into the aforementioned serial killers, basically. Not only do we have to describe a death, we have to describe

a) the death in detail

b) how characters react to the death

c) how it feels to die (PLOT TWIST!)

And sometimes (let’s be honest, guys) writing all these deaths can be kinda scary. Sometimes we question our own mental health, and that is not a good place to be, my little cheesecake.

(Whew!!! Okay, moment of intense seriousness is over. Let’s continue, shall we?)

Four: Papery Obsessions

Writers also have extreme (and sometimes unhealthy) obsessions with thin, flexible sheets of wood. Chop down a tree and the euphoria of writers is almost suffocating. (As long as you plant another tree because #treesmatter)

This paper product infatuation includes the following:

BOOKS! (More commonly pronounced BOOOOOOOOOOOKKKSSS!)

~ Writers (and readers [#equality]) cannot, and will not ever in a million years EVER have enough books. Ever. We read books like they are the air that we breathe. When we have no books, we just kind of flail around like a dying fish all day. It’s not pretty.

Notebooks

~ Along with their stockpile of BOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKSSS!!!!, writers also have an insanely large collection of notebooks . We are constantly collecting, constantly hoarding, constantly procuring more and more. We sit upon our mountain of notebooks as a dragon would perch on a hoard of treasure and diamonds. Some of them are filled. Most of them are not. Even more have half-written scribbles and stories that to most (including ourselves) make absolutely no sense.

But we love our notebooks. They are our brethren. Our soul mates. They fill us with delight (and sometimes horror. [writing on the first page of a brand new notebook with the most amazing cover ever, anyone?])

And did I mention how we stroke and admire the beautiful covers, as well? No? (Is that just me, or…? Yeah, that’s just me.)

Office Supplies

(Okay, so this doesn’t really fit under the category of papery obsessions, but let’s just go with it, okay?)

~ There’s no point in denying it. Writers tend to have a strange obsession with collecting and hoarding office supplies. Pens, highlighters, sticky notes, more pens, binders, that stapler we don’t use, pencils, and pens are just a few examples of things that can often be found in a writer’s toolkit. There’s just something about the smell feel of office supplies that makes us want more, especially when our pens have a habit of disappearing into thin air whenever we turn around.

And finally…

Five: The Muse (and other imaginary friends)

Let’s face it, writers have imaginary friends. Those little voices in our heads are more than just proof of our impending insanity, they are…well, maybe they are just proof of our impending insanity. But they are awesome to talk to, nonetheless. I mean, who needs real humans when you’ve got invisible ones, amiright?

You may have heard a writer mention a muse when talking about their abundance of inspiration, or more likely, a lack thereof, but to us, our muses are much more than just a thing we label our creative outlets as. In fact, to me most writers, their muses are so real, the line between fiction and reality tends to disappear entirely. It doesn’t matter that they are, in fact, *coughimaginarycough*, they are realer to us than actual humans. (Okay, maybe not that real, but still.)

Our muses are our constant source of inspiration. They are the motivating voice in our heads, saying things like, “You can totally do this”, and “This is your story, so don’t be afraid to write it”.

Or, in Chess’s case, “You’re totally writing this wrong. Here, let me give you thirty plot holes that you never saw coming.”

(He doesn’t like being called imaginary… [please don’t tell him I said that…)


Well, that’s about it for this post! So, how did I do? Was this Smudge as awful as I think it is? Do you enjoy stalking people? Have you ever come across a cannibalistic website while conducting research? What’s your muse like? Leave a comment below and tell me everything! (please…I’ll give you cookies…)

 

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Author:

Christian, writer, blogger, dreamer, and full-time dragon enthusiast. I also like to fling cookies everywhere. Preferably at your face.

20 thoughts on “Five Questionably Weird Things About Being A Writer (that you’ve probably heard before)

  1. oh this is marvellously relatable!! Particularly this “who needs real humans when you’ve got invisible ones” HAHAH YES.😂 Perfect. We need and love our imaginary friends and at least they understand us, right?! :’) And ohhh search histories can be quite fun…ahem *coughs nervously* I’m sure looking up torture methods and how much can a person bleed before dying iS TOTALLY FINE NOTHING WORRY ABOUT HERE.😂

    Also office supplies are life. I write entirely on the computer, but do I collect nice pens and notebooks? YES. Because we writers just need them. For sure. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my word, thank you so much!!!! This honestly means the world to me!!
      And most definitely! That is a totally normal thing to look up on the internet. Absolutely normal. I mean, the information is there for a reason, right? (Hopefully the fuzz thinks the same…)
      Oh! And as promised, here’s your cookie! *gives cookie*

      Like

  2. Yes. To all of it. Mostly the lethal search history thing. I WAS WRITING A VAMPIRE NOVEL, OKAY? I DON’T ACTUALLY NEED TO KNOW HOW FAST IT TAKES TO DRAIN A BODY OF BLOOD.

    And my room is full of half used notebooks. I got even worse when I found an art store that gets a totally new selection of notebooks every three months and all the leftovers go on sale.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! YES!!! That is honestly one of the best searches I’ve ever heard of, haha!
      Oh my word, I need that. Well, technically I don’t need even more notebooks, but at the same time I do, so… #writerproblems, lol!

      Like

  3. I love it! Oh my gosh, these are so me!! It’s ridiculous how right you got it! I have so many half-filled notebooks, imaginary (well, yeah, not really to me) friends, and, yes, by my history, people would probably think that I am a very disorganized and disoriented stocker (or, perhaps, yes, even some sort of assassin *sigh dreamily*).
    Anyway, I absolutely LOVE this blog and this post!!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah, yes. Killing people off does make the stakes seem higher. (Especially when the character is a fan favorite, mwahahahaha!!!)
      Actually, I have this problem where I always kill off MY favorites, which looking back on that, probably wasn’t a good idea….

      Like

  4. Notebook dragon hoard. What a perfect image, it is my life.
    And number three…I wrote a little story about several of my main characters from different stories dueling each to see whose story would get written. Some of the duels were to the death, and some were vicious…But the characters simply resurrected, so it was fine. ^.^ (Not that they would agree… >:) )
    Writers are fiendish little nasties, MWAHAH–Hey, is that an office supply store?!!

    Great blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Thank you so much!!! And yes, our characters tend to be a little bit feisty, especially when we murder them. I mean, it’s nothing personal. It’s just good business. (Insert Lord Beckett image [probably did not spell that right…])

      And thank you so much!!! That really means a lot to me!!!

      Like

  5. WHOOAAA!! That search result!!! You… are pretty much on the FBI’s watch list now…

    (Also yes, Hi! I am stalking you and going back and reading all the posts I missed which THANK GOODNESS I only missed like five… I am so weird but once I love a blog I want to read EVERY POST EVER POSTED UPON IT????? I’m very obsessive that way…)

    Bahahahahahah number two, though!!! The creepy person following you, writing down your every move… ha!

    Okay, number three… yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I’m completely sane??? Enjoying writing death makes you wonder???

    Yeah…. I’m OBSESSED with office supplies??? It’s actually very strange… I love staplers and pens and sticky notes and gahhhhhh it is just all so lovely!! *happy sigh*

    Okay, I’m leaving now. (to go read all your other old posts…)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know! I’m expecting them at my doorstep any day now! (I made them some cookies!!)

      OH MY WORD, A NEW STALKER!!!! HI!!!!! *throws cookies at your face* *pretends like I’ve never seen you before* Welcome to Smudged Thoughts!!

      Being sane is overrated. Insane is SO in right now.

      Ugh, yes!!!! Office supplies are the best!!!! And I never use staplers but they’re just so ADORABLE so obviously I shall collect them all or maybe just one but still.

      This comment was hilarious, oh my word!!!

      Like

      1. How truly hospitable of you. 😉

        Oh, hello!!!!!!!!! Aren’t you just the sweetest thang!!! (I’m now faking a Southern accent for some reason???)

        #insaneisthenewsane

        STAPLERS ARE MY FAVORITE. And I use them all the time!! #winwin

        *bows elegantly*

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Ah, yes. I pride myself in hospitality. (Perhaps I am the southerner?)

          BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I don’t think southerners manually type out their accents when commenting, BUT THE ACCENT IS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!! 😂😂😂 And I KNEW you were from the south!! It is in your soul. #calledit

          Yeeeesssssss!!!

          I wish I used staplers all the time!!! I never have anything to staple…. *pouts*

          Like

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