The NaNoWriMo Dare Squad – THE DARES ARE REVEALED, MWAHAHAHAHAHA — HACK!

Good morning, Cyberspace, and welcome to —

The NaNoWriMo Dare Squad DARE REVEAL!

I am literally so excited to share these dares with you guys.

For 19 days we have written like mad, squandered away our time on a story that we will probably look back upon in 300 days and wonder what in the world we were thinking, created characters and worlds with the mere tapping of our bloody fingertips and the scratching of our scrawny pencils, possibly died, squashed the iron shackles of twitter and Pinterest and YouTube that constantly wrap their scraggly arms around us like the chains of procrastination and certain death (hahahahahahaha well maybe next year).

In short, we have done the impossible:

We have done the NaNo.

But alas. The journey is not yet over. In fact, it has only just begun.

Whether you have written 1 word, 500 words, or a whopping 50k, there is still time to catch up, to write another word, another sentence, another chapter.

We have just barely crested the hill to a most gruesome demise, my friends.

And what better way to celebrate this rather delightful cresting (is that even a word) than by having a glorious reveal of the one thing you have all been waiting for this entire month?!

That’s right, dear children. Today is officially the day.

Today is the day when each and every one of your hopes and dreams and fantasies come true are all simultaneously crushed beneath the iron toe of failure.

Or, contrariwise, today is the day when you can laugh and gloat and shove your perfectly completed goal in everyone else’s face whilst making weird blurbling noises of victory with your mouth hole.

Today is the day when I can officially reveal all of the beautifully crippling and also slightly terrifyingfic dares that were sent in by each and every one of you — The NaNoWriMo Dare Squad.

(and might I just say that I am both equal parts excited and horrified that I am most certainly failing my goal this year. [#soexciting])

And since I am sure that you are all much more intrigued by what death could potentially await you lest you fail than by my rather rambly and nonsensical late-night speeches, allow me to cut this post short and — without further ado — introduce you to —

— The NaNoWriMo Dare Squad Dares —

. . . brought to you by The NaNoWriMo Dare Squad of 2017 . . .

Ahem. *drumroll please*

badadadadadadadadadadada. . .

badadadadadadadadadadada. . .

badadadadadadadadadadada. . .

. . .

TA DAAAAAA!!!

Isn’t this the most BEAUTIFUL THING you have ever laid your twitching eyes upon???

Isn’t it?

ISN’T IT???

I am inwardly squealing and also sobbing and I think I probably died just a little bit in my skeleton the minute I put this board together.

please let me miraculously win somehow hahahahahahah thanks

Also, as you might be able to tell from the board, I — in my delirious state of mind — decided to add a few little extra. . .embellishments.

okay like one but STILL (let me have my moment, geesh)

And so, to help alleviate any confuzzlement you may currently be having, here is a scrappily detailed list as to the particulars about the board up above:

1. I have failed to tack any names onto the end of the dares because MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA — FUN. And also mystery. Which makes it fun.
2. There are 12 dares instead of ten because, when rolling two die, there is always the possibility that you can roll an 11 or 12. #logic
3. It is impossible to roll a one, so obviously, upon rolling a one, you must roll again. #morelogic
4. My dare is super awesome and perfection and you better love it or I will probably stab you
5. The twelfth dare is literally evil and I hope you land on it because I thought that up myself to fill in the gap and I WANT TO SEE YOUR PAIN, SIR I thought it might make a nice little plot twist TO ADD TO YOUR PAIN.

And that is basically it.

i’m so good at lists wow.

So there you have it, my fellow Squadians! These are the dares that await us lest we miserably fail to meet our carefully cultivated and in some cases extremely lofty NaNoWriMo goals.

These are the dares that each of you have sent in to terrify and potentially destroy your fellow teammates.

These are the dares that shall most likely be the end of us all.

And I don’t know about you guys, but I am excited.

So here’s to another 11 days of NaNoWriMo! Here’s to writing and editing and plotting and planning and doing ALL OF THE THINGS that we love, to taking another step forward in our dreams, and to possibly falling face-first into a pit of snarling dares on the 1st of December.

Here’s to being a loser.

Good luck, my friends. May your pen be swift, and your feet be swifter, because today is the day when the descent to December officially begins.

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talk to me, peasants!

OKAY, GUYS, LET’S BE REAL FOR 0.2 SECONDS HERE AND ADDRESS THE ONE THING THAT WE’RE ALL DYING TO KNOW.

. . .

. . .which dare belongs to who?