good morning, cyberspace

and yadda yadda yadda —


As of 3:11 pm on April 9th, everlost’s second draft is complete.


*vultures exploding*

*pitchforks dancing*

*babies screaming*

*one kenzie dying*

I know. I know. This is shocking. You’re shocked. That vulture is shocked. I am currently in a state of severe shock that is prohibiting wordly things from coming out of my mouth holes and fingers.


I don’t even know where to begin explaining this. My brain feels like a fried maggot meatloaf. I am a burning marshmallow. The world is my oyster.

words no longer exist for me.

You’re probably wondering all of the questions right now, yes? Questions like “What happened?” “How could this possibly be?” “WHAT IS LIFE?”

And I’ll be honest, folks — I do not know. Life no longer has meaning. Cookies no longer taste the same. My laptop is weeping softly in the corner. I think this is what having an existential crisis feels like.

I am a writer without a story. A poet without words. My creative well is bursting, yet mysteriously dry.

My precious story is gone.

And I am sad.


I did a thing. I wrote a BOOK. I spent a whole year and a half working on a story, and finally — FINALLY — it’s ready to be read. The excitement. I can’t even explain it. It is engulfing. I am a flame.

can you tell I’m having trouble with the words? because I AM HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE WORDS.

So! The second draft is done. It is finished. My alpha reader (a.k.a. my glorious mom who I love more than anything on this planet) is reading it, and I am simultaneously both so terrified and so severely excited that I could not even manage to sleep last night. And soon, my betas will be reading it, as well.

Which is totally fine HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.

I’m fine. Everything’s fine.

But also everything is not fine, so let’s talk about it, shall we?

. . . Thoughts On Finishing everlost . . .

  • *insert radio silence*
  • . . .
  • . . .
  • . . .
  • *insert dramatic screaming*

This is my thought process. Do not judge.

I think the weirdest thing about finishing a draft or a book is that it’s kind of a lonely ordeal, you know? I mean, you spend days, months, years of your life silently pouring your heart and your soul into this random thing of your own creation, and even though people know about this thing™ that you’re creating. . .they don’t necessarily come with you.

Sure, you tell people about the process, the adventure. You write blog posts squealing about ALL OF THE WONDROUS THINGS and you lay awake at night fangirling over your own characters and plot twists, but. . .when it all boils down to it, writing a book is a journey for one.

So when you pen the final words and the laptop lid finally closes, you find that even though you’ve been mysteriously missing over the past 547 days, the world has miraculously gone on spinning without you. And even though you half expect the entire universe to implode the minute you write THE END — it doesn’t. It just stays there. Existing. And now you must learn how to go on existing along with it.

Like a normal person. #blech.

However. Another thought — a less sad and depressing thought, I might add — that I had a few hours after finishing everlost went something along the lines of, “OH MY WORD, THIS IS SO FREAKY.”

And why was this my thought, you might ask? Well. As it turns out, it took me EXACTLY one year to finish this second draft.

That’s right, folks. Precisely one year ago from April 9th (the day i finished everlost. in case you forgot. [HOW COULD YOU FORGET, PEASANTS???]) was the day I finished the first draft of everlost. At 1 o’clock in the morning.

And the really creepy thing is, I had absolutely no idea what date I finished on last year. I mean, I knew it was sometime near the middle-ish of April (CAMP NANOWRIMO!!! AAAAAHHH!) and I knew for SURE that it was at 1 in the morning. (being sleep deprived the next day is not something you easily forget, my friends.) But the actual date never really stuck with me.

BUT. A little while after I had finished my book, the oddest thought collided with my brain meats.

What if.

It was a crazy, impossible thought, but I just had to know. And luckily enough for my smol marshmallow brain, I have a marvelous twin who is much better at recording and keeping track of things than myself. (thank you, Kate!!) So with a few clicks of a mouse, I found the log recording one of the most extraordinary achievements of my lifetime, and sure enough. . .

why yes. that is my sleep-deprived message written to my fellow sleep-deprived cabin-mates. aren’t i a ray of pure hyper sunshine?

And I know that this probably looks TOTALLY staged, but I swear it wasn’t. I had absolutely no clue, and I’m kind of still having a Freaky Friday moment over here. So.

. . . I finished everlost. — Now What? . . .

Ah! This is a marvelous question. And unfortunately enough — i have absolutely no idea.

Hahahahahaha. #fail.

I’m currently bopping between ideas for next steps and new ideas and whatnot, but as of right now I have the rest of my life narrowed down into a simple five act plan.

Step One – have an existential crisis

Step Two – celebrate with dancing and tears

Step Three – burn hair out and murder three small men as you wait for feedback from Alpha and Betas

Step Four – purchase a motorcycle and begin midlife crisis early

Step Five – choose a new story idea and forget midlife crisis ever existed as you continue the treacherous journey of being a writer


My only problem right now is that I don’t know which of my many marvelous ideas I want to write next. I’m trying to take a bit of a break from everlost, so writing the sequel for that is out. There’s also my superhero novel, but I’m still supremely in love with my everlost characters, so creating an entirely new cast just feels. . .wrong. And sort of like betrayal.

And then there’s T. And I really don’t feel like writing right now.

I think I need to make a pro/con list.

Of course, choosing a new story idea is definitely not the only wonderful thing I’m planning now that I’ve finished the second draft! In celebration of finishing everlost*, I’m planning a super fun smudge that will contain ALL OF THE EVERLOST STUFF! — including my writing playlist, some BE-YOU-TI-FUL photos drawn by none other than my gorgeous and so-insanely-talented friend, Kate Marie (and also two from me but whatever. her drawing skillz are GOALS), my severely lacking but still totally perusable (that’s a word) Pinterest boards, and — if I’m feeling extremely generous — Bella’s real name.


And let’s not forget that awesome interview with Thao and Adaline that I’ve been sitting on since last year! That’s right, guys. I actually did look at the polls, and Thao and Adaline — as I had kind of anticipated — won by a long shot. So. You’re getting an interview with them, as well.

But for all you marshmallow peeps out there who couldn’t possibly care less that I’ve finished the second draft of my book — never you fear, my friends. I shall be spacing these conglomeration posts out pretty evenly from each other so that I can focus on my ‘normal’ smudges, as well. There’s been a lot of everlost hubbub going on around here lately, and I think it’s high-time that I begin trying to ease myself back into my usual writerly ways.

I mean, I was technically supposed to do that today, but. . .I finished my book. How on earth could you possibly expect me not to squeal about this for 2,000 years?


(*I keep saying that I finished everlost, but like. . .I still need to edit it a million more times??? THIS BOOK IS FAR FROM OVER, GUYS. *distant cheering*)

. . . Camp NaNoWriMo – The What Now Dilemma . . .

I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to be doing for Camp anymore, to be honest. My main goal for the month was finishing the second draft of everlost, and now that’s done soooooooo. . .now what?

I mean, I set my goal for 30 hours, and I’ve only accomplished nine of those, which means that I still have 21 hours of creative writing that I need to log before I become a winner. And as I’m sure you all know by now — KENZIE AIN’T NO LOSER.

Or a quitter. So I need to keep doing the NaNo, obviously.

So after some very careful deliberation that was accomplished in less than two seconds, I think I’ve found my solution.

Over the next 20 days, I’m going to be working on two things —

Thing One – choosing and outlining a new plan for ultimate world destruction story

Thing Two – building a back-log for blog posts

Thing One is my next step in becoming the ULTIMATE WRITER OF THE UNIVERSE. Thing Two is something I need to start doing or I shall begin ripping my hair out with a baseball bat.

Which is totally possible if you try hard enough.

So yes. That is my plan for the rest of April. Plotting and blogging and ripping my hair out. #fun

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more squealing to attend to.

talk to me, peasants!

Dangflabbit, that was another update post. I am so sorry, guys. I promise I’ve not become one of those weird updater people. (do updater people even exist? am i the first ever weird updater person???) I’M STILL CREATIVE, I SWEAR. GIVE ME A CHANCE, BERTHA.

But WHOA. I finished the second draft of everlost. My beta readers are going to read it. I wrote a book that I am not 110% ashamed of yet. I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE, MA.

Have I ever mentioned that I love April? Because I truly love April. All the wonderful things happen this time of year. . . (like finishing my books. April 9th is officially my favorite day. [except for like every other day that something wonderful happens, of course.])

But anyway, that is far too much about me. Let’s talk about you. How is your Camp NaNoWriMo going? Have you ever finished a second draft, first draft, third draft, red fish, blue fish? Can you relate to the weird yet uber exciting feeling of finishing a story and having to melt back into the real world, and how on earth do you do it without ripping your hair out? 

IS THIS THE REAL LIFE? IS THIS JUST FANTASY? I’m caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

Let’s talk about ALL OF THE THINGS down in the comments below!

And as always, until next time. . .

*flings cookies in the air and disappears*



23 thoughts on “everlost.

    *Has no other coherent thoughts*
    Well, except working on blog posts for camp nano sounds like a great idea!

    Time to update the milestones page! :D

    Liked by 1 person

  2. CONGRATULATIONS and may you eat all the cookies today to celebrate your the finish of your second draft! It’s a crazy magical experience, I know it. Actually, you really should celebrate for like the next week. I’m a big fan of celebrating in SOME way for an extended period of time.

    Gosh, I grinned through your post. Because I get it. And I also get not having people get it. As a writer/author too, I hate that when I tell my sister that I’ve met a new character that she tries to be excited for me but she doesn’t get it. You know? You know.

    I also love that you have an Alpha reader. That is so great.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EEEEP!!! Thank you so much!!! I shall definitely eat all of the cookies… Even though it’s been a week and I’ve totally failed to respond to blog comments. XD BUT YES! I shall do ALL OF THE CELEBRATION! XD

      Oh my word!!! I’m so glad to hear that. XD Yeah, it’s kind of a weird feeling. XD Luckily I’ve been blessed with a family who pretty much understands me and my weirdness, but it’s still a little odd sometimes. Writing is such a bizarre art, isn’t it? XD

      I know!!! I feel really blessed and lucky and ACK! It’s just a very exciting time right now, haha! XD

      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting, by the way!!! Sorry I couldn’t get to this sooner. :((

      Liked by 1 person

      • Life happens. I’m glad you found time to reply (because I really love celebrating with fellow creators that I just happen upon because well…blog post comment black holes), and I’m so excited for you to keep celebrating! ALL THE COOKIES.


  3. :D :D :D :D (Fine, I’ll try to stop grinning like a creep over here. TRY.) :D
    You are absolutely allowed to squeal! You FINISHED A REAL AND ACTUAL BOOK. What the heck. This is so cool.

    And man this has been a ride for you – one solid March of Insanity, plus Camp NaNo… You better take it easy in May, just sayin’.

    BUT CONGRATS ON FINISHING!!! I just – I’m so happy for you. AGGGGHHHH. Books make me happy, okay? I think I need to stop before I just end up squealing incessantly. But WOW. AHHHHHHHH. Yup. okay. I’m fine.

    Liked by 1 person

    • HAHAHAHA!!! Grinning like a creep is definitely allowed today. XD
      EEEEP!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, GAIL!!!! It definitely still has some issues, but that’s what the third draft is for, yes? XD

      Oh goodness, I know. It’s been crazy. I think May is going to be a VERY laid-back month compared to the last two. XD Lots of reading and third-draft plotting and possibly some Personal Project creating. XD

      AGH!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! You have no idea how much this mean to me!!! I am so excited… It’s crazy. XD DUDE, SAME! Books are the best. And us writers spawn them out of nothingness…. ACK I’M SQUEALING INCESSANTLY NOW. XD LET US SQUEAL FOR ETERNITY TOGETHER, YES??? XD

      Liked by 1 person

    • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I AM FANGIRLING OVER MY OWN STORY. XD #humble EEEEEEP! Thank you so much, Madeline!!!! You have no idea how much this means to me!!!! *hugs* I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SECOND DRAFT IS DONE. *eats streamers and confetti*

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My inbox has been staring stiffly at me for several weeks now – but I should have known to click on this post! (it’s Kenzie, after all.) SO. BELATED CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU!! (and I can’t wait for that Thao/Adaline interview!)

    I’m questioning your first coherent thought after finishing truly being “flamingos”, though?? Why flamingos. (Why not pitchforks. I think I’d feel like victoriously stabbing something with a pitchfork. And screaming in a not-at-all-creepy way. In happiness, obviously. What could your deep emotional connection to flamingos be, that it edged out “pitchforks”??) xP


    • Oh goodness, don’t even get me started on my own inbox. XD XD It’s a nightmare. A true and tangible nightmare. XD But AWWWWWWWW!!!!! That is like the sweetest thing ever!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH, JEM!!!!! I am all the excited!!! (and EEEP, SAAAAAAME. It’s gonna be great!!! [I hope??? XD])

      Hahahahaha!!!! Weeeeell, I MIGHT have been exaggerating. Maybe. Just a little. BUT I MEAN FLAMINGOES ARE GREAT, SO. XD But yes. Stabbing something with a pitchfork does seem rather satisfying at this moment… I need to go do that. *whips out pitchfork and searches for something to stab*

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Congratulations! I haven’t been on here in a while and I was scrolling through my to-be-read posts, saw the title, and clicked right away. This is so exciting! And Bella’s real name? Maybe? Looking forward to the regular posts and the ever lost posts. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • EEEEEEEEP! Thank you so much!!!! (and haha SAAAAAAAME to not being on here in a while. I am so behind on comments and blog posts. aha. help) AND ACK IT REALLY IS SO EXCITING. My frantic excited squealing is still very much alive… XD Yesss! I think I might be giving it out… I’m still not sure yet, since there are still some things I want to keep under wraps, but it MIGHT just be time for this… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. EEP, SAME! It feels so good to be ‘officially’ back from all the March Hare Madness and Camp stuff!


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